My alternative title to this post was "why online dating is ALMOST as sucky as real life dating?" HA! Although it has dawned on me that I probably do not have enough experience in this department to pass such harsh judgement. Experience gaining? On the bucket list for this year ;o)
So I had signed up on match.com this spring, long before eHarmony. Not because I felt like dating at all, but more to remind myself that YES there are men out there I'm attracted to that ARE available. I told myself I'd sign up for 6 months with no expectations other than to be open to whatever may come my way. Here is what I came away with after 3 months (at which point I cancelled my account and switched to eHarmony!!!) Its kind of my "what not to do" list for match hopefuls.
It starts with a thoughtful username. Mrbigge01? Yeah, that's not gonna cut it. If you can't be creative without sounding adolescent, then stick with safe. Something like first name and a number...
Not posting any pictures. Okay, people, this is just a big red flag. It sucks that some amount of attractiveness is evaluated by your physical appearance, but it is just a fact of life. Deal with it. If you can't, don't half-assed put yourself out there as no one will click on your profile.
Not spell-checking/poor grammar. REALLY? I mean... RALLY? (did I make my point yet?) If you do not use good grammar/spelling and sound halfway intelligent in your write-up, there will be no profile click for you. Unless you look like Joe Manganiello (see #1). In that case, yeah I'd be clicking until my finger fell off... :o)
Listing one of the top three things you're best at as "sparking romance" DUDE, can I say PLAYER??? I don't know many women that are interested in a man who's best capabilities include "sparking romance". <envisioning checkout line at grocery store> "yeah my girlfriend wanted me to pick up some milk. you've got a nice smile... what time do you get off work, maybe we can go spark some romance?"
Posting pictures of yourself half naked. Seriously. These NEVER look good, EVER. I have seen MANY of these shots and can honestly say not a single one looks good to me. These pictures usually come across as you are completely full of yourself (and I've seen the pics, you don't have the stuff to be boastful over). I make an exception to this rule for Joe Manganiello (can anyone tell that True Blood has started back up??)
Pictures of you with hot women/exes. This one seems like kind of a no-brainer to me. We women, we're not always the most confident bunch (shocker!) If 3 of your 4 profile pictures have you standing with playboy bunny types, I don't really need that kind of status quo to live up to. Equally as off-putting is when you can see part of your ex in the picture (or, gasp, your wedding picture on mantle in the background?)
Outdated pictures of you. I'm guilty of this one myself, as most of us don't take photos of ourselves. I've seen pictures posted that were dated 5+ years ago, and I can attest to how much someone can change physically in just 5 months! If you're really serious, take the time to have a friend get some good head/full body shots of you that are current (and clothed!) That way there are no surprises when you meet your match prospects in person.
Chat requests that focus purely on my appearance. For those of you that haven't had the luxury of dating online, you start by reading profiles and if someone catches your interest you can "email" or "chat" with them within the app. For the first solicitation, I urge you to not consider using lines like "hey beautiful, you are HOT!" Try READING my profile and picking some interesting tidbit in there you ALSO have an interest in to start the dialogue. Much more likely to get a response from me, as I've at least confirmed you can read!
Continued chat requests when I've not responded. If I'm interested, I'll reply promptly. You don't need to send me 3 requests to make sure I've heard from you. Trust me, I have and you are no longer in the running. Lines like "don't be shy, I'm really a great guy if you meet me" aren't going to save you.
So, yeah... No dates occurred from match.com prior to my cancellation. I had made a bet with one of my girlfriends I'd go on at least one date by end of summer (via online dating) if I hadn't met someone through the natural course of life. I'm more hopeful about my prospects with eHarmony, which I'd signed up for in June. I now feel like I am actually ready to start dating, which seems to be making me perhaps a little less judgmental (see list above, HA!) I had heard several compelling stories on people who met via eHarmony. It is more expensive than match.com, but from what I can tell its worth it. The extra cost weeds out the meat market people. There is also a bit of a time investment as you answer a lot of questions about yourself and what you are looking for in order to set up your profile. While it seems like there aren't nearly as many people on the site, there are significantly more that I'd be willing to meet in person. I'm enjoying it so far and the learning experiences I'm sure it will bring, and I'm looking forward to making my end-of-summer bet!
PS- However, as my backup plan, if you happen to know any single, 30-55 year old, straight male friends that look like Joe Manganiello, you are welcome to give them my phone number ;o)
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