Well, I had an online dating site fail this past weekend. I don't know what it is about being at my parents house that always brings this out in me? Perhaps because I get a visual reminder of their comfortable companionship after all these years of marriage together. It seems to incite that basal instinct to find my Mr. Right. So of course that means I should reinstall one of my self-banned dating apps onto my phone and have a binge swipe/like session after 10pm on a Saturday night. (Yes, this is just as bad an idea in real life as it sounds like on paper).
Online dating is such an interesting phenomenon. The single biggest positive going for it? It allows me to expand my dating pool from my usual life circles (where single-men-I'm-not-related-to population = 0.... seriously) to a reasonably sized pool within 25 miles or less of my current location. Its dating pool wizardry, a la Aladdin's internet magic lamp!
The downside? Well, first off, its reasonably sized. I go from famine (reference previous population count) to feast. It quickly becomes an overwhelming smorgasbord of potential mates. I think this is more apt for women in the online dating world as it seems the ratio of men to women is highly slanted towards men. I have a hard time with this because I am at my core an exclusive dater. Just chatting with multiple people at the same time feels weird/wrong to me..??
So, lets say out of the hundreds of guys available, you assess (based on a few pictures/minimal profile) that 2 or 3 make the cut to the chatting phase. This is where the next obvious flaw in the online system exists. You start talking with someone over a medium (text) that has a penchant to drive "artificial connection". Because there is no physical feedback in discussions over text, there is a lack of inhibition which seems to drive people to become very personal long before meeting in real life. It leaves you with a feeling of "knowing someone" before you really know them.
And we're back to the best/worst part of online dating. First dates. :o) I can't say I've had too many miserable dates (sans the holding hands incident early on in my dating travails). Part of this I chalk up to my own attitude and how I approach dating. I am usually saying reminders to myself all day leading up to the date, "no pressure, you're just making a new friend". This helped me get through those very first dates post-divorce when I was incredibly nervous. Now, I say it more as a reminder to myself that I don't owe anyone anything out of a date. Its annoying that I actually need to remind myself of this, but that sense of obligation runs very strong. I will need to ponder this on another night?!? But I digress....
One of the other things I've come to know about myself is that physical attraction is really just a small part of this mate puzzle for me. One of the things that intrigues me most is how I've found my attraction to someone actually can grow out of friendship, when there was nothing there upon first meeting. Personality, intelligence, humor, passion for similar interests all can cause me over time to see a man completely differently. This poses a dilemma... How many dates should I go on before throwing in the towel?
So, of course my dating site fail has led to some dating opportunities. :o) The latest guy? On paper, he is a rockstar, hitting pretty much my entire Mr. Right list, and a few extras. But the in-person instant attraction? Not there...
What to do?
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