Two Sundays ago, Isaac was scheduled to have the last of his club soccer league games which happened to be a doubleheader over in Davenport. Of course, Bella and I both had our own commitments on this day and I realized all of this convenient schedule convergence about 5 days before game day. Luckily I have an AMAZING mother, who continually gets to fill in as my kids' mother when I cannot be in 2 places at once. After a quick call, she had agreed to watch Bella on Sunday so I could rearrange my schedule and take Isaac to the games all day.
Saturday evening Isaac tells me he is playing an online tournament with friends and while its supposed to be done at 11pm (the time his internet privilege shuts off), he asks if he can get a few hours' extension just in case. Of course we've been down THIS road before, so I'm smart enough to reiterate there will be "no excuses the next day that he can't do things..." <insert gloomy foreshadowing music here>
7:45am Sunday morning, I wander down to basement to ensure Isaac is getting ready and will be available for our planned 8:30 departure.
Isaac: "Mom.... I feel sick. I can't go to the game. My stomach hurts."
Me: "uhhh, what?"
Isaac: "my stomach really hurts."
Me: <cannot recall exact context of what I said here due to red haze of rage so this is my best guess> "Like hell you are... Why are you sick Isaac? Do you think maybe because you stayed up all night playing video games and eating crap? Get your stuff on, we are going"
Isaac, incredulous: "You expect me to go when I'm sick?"
Me: "Isaac, in real life, you sometimes actually have to live with your poor decisions and have to push through feeling like crap. You made a commitment to your team and then you made some bad choices last night that you now get to deal with consequences. Get some pepto bismol, get your gear, and get in the car"
Isaac, pissed off: "I'm not going to soccer"
Me, officially losing my shit: "That's it Isaac. I'm done, if you don't value club soccer, then why should I? I'm going to make this as black and white for you as I can. Here are MY consequences for the choice you are about to make. I am done supporting club soccer, financially/driving/other. You will no longer get privileges for free in this house. That includes things like internet usage, usage of car. So that means you will get to start riding the bus to school, even though you have the first 2 periods with no classes this quarter. As a teenager, your "job" is school and the extracurricular commitments you've made. I went to a lot of work and inconvenienced several other people to ensure you could attend these games. You are letting down the following people: your dad who was planning to drive over to watch you, your grandma who is coming over from ankeny to watch your sister, your coaches and teammates who are depending on you as part of the rostered list for the weekend. Is this really the choice you want to make?"
<insert lots of angry back and forth here>
Ultimately, Isaac chose to not attend the games.
Conveniently, Ryan and I were scheduled to have a kid meeting the following Monday morning. Can you guess what our primary topic was? After much discussion, this is what Ryan and I agreed upon as our solution and I am very happy its a united front as this is what makes parenting across two households effective. I discussed this final resolution with Isaac this evening and then followed it up with an email to capture in writing for all to be able to refer back to so there will be no confusion later.
Isaac,
per our discussion tonight and your decision to not attend FC soccer last weekend, here is the updated guidance regarding internet/car usage:
- Expectation is you will need to get a part-time job. We will be giving you until Dec 31st to arrange this. In order to use car/internet during this timeframe, you'll need to prepay $100. This covers internet usage at both houses from 6am to 11pm and car usage for school/sports/job/pre-approved social events.
- Starting Jan 1, internet usage is $50/month, covering both houses from 6am -11pm. Car payment per month will be $50, covering cost of insurance and yearly license/registration. You are responsible for paying for your own gas.
Let me know if you have any questions in regards to this, internet will be turned on once payment has been received.
Love,
Mom
For what its worth, Ryan and I also agreed I would collect these payments in a fund for Isaac for when he goes to college. Not that he will ever know that.... (so don't blab!) ;o)
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