This sentence makes me cringe just writing it. Especially when those words have been uttered, on more than one occasion, by a 12 year old girl who lives in my house. For background context, this girl has grown up with 2 engineering parents. She has also gone to one of the top public school systems in the district, in a state that is renowned for its educational program.
This girl has skipped a grade.
This girl participates in the Talented and Gifted program at her school.
Is this girl bad at math?
Let's examine some hard stats here to test this theory. I give you her Spring Semester Iowa Assessments test results:
Her national grade equivalent = 13+. For reference, she is going into 8th grade this fall.
Percentile rank = 91%. Last time I checked, this was an A in school terms.
Proficiency Indicator = Advanced. Thesaurus.com defines Advanced to mean "ahead or far or further along in progress, complexity, knowledge."
Hmm... Ok, well maybe that's not enough stats to paint the picture of reality. Lets look at her report card for end of 7th grade.
My original slant on this blog was to rail against a society that teaches women they aren't good at math, because I can guarantee you this ISN'T the message my daughter gets at home. And every time she mentions this statement, I ask her why she thinks this is true and then point to some of these black and white metrics to try to help counter her skewed internal beliefs.
It wasn't until I was looking at her report card again tonight as I sat down to write this post that the light bulb went on.
Do you see it?
She thinks she is "bad" at math because she didn't get the "+". She wasn't perfect.
And you know what?
I own responsibility for that. Because day in and day out, its what I've strived to be. And that shadow I cast as I strive to reach my full potential? It is setting an unrealistic bar for my daughter that I never intended.
And ironically, this is exactly the growing pain I'm going through myself in my current role at work. I'm constantly comparing myself to my peers and feeling subpar. I'm quick to give others grace to stretch and learn and grow through failures, but I do not allow this for myself.
This great article illustrated some positive steps to help children/teens learn to deal with the desire for perfectionism. I am definitely going to put a focus on this for Bella and I'll be starting with working to retrain myself. My focus is gonna be striving to find acceptance in a “good enough” job. An A in math? That's GOOD ENOUGH.
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." (Robert Kennedy)
All so very familiar. Kate often says math is boring and she doesn't like it. When we probe a bit, she'll say she's not good at it because she gets a few problems wrong. She is a perfectionist and math has generally been easy for her. In an odd way, we're using swimming lessons as way to teach persistence. Swimming doesn't come easy to her. She is slow to advance to the next level but we are keeping her in the lessons. In actuality, I'd prefer to call it "good enough" but we're following through on what we said a while ago that the kids have to pass all the levels.
ReplyDeleteKnowing when to use "good enough" is a bit tricky. I've sometimes used it when I didn't want to try harder but could have. Therefore, I try not to use it too much, but an A vs an A+ is the right time.
And I totally know what you mean about being a perfectionist yourself. Same, same, same. Hard on myself, easier on others.
I started reading a book called The Curse of the Good Girl awhile back. I had to pause a lot while reading. It hit close to home. I would tear up at least every few pages as I saw myself reflected in it.