Happy with the skin I am in

As part of this post-divorce recovery, I've noted how important it is to keep taking care of yourself physically.   This has long been something I struggled with during most of my marriage.  I tend to be a natural giver, often giving so much of myself that I leave nothing left for me.  My lowest emotional point (and consequently my highest weight) was a very high stress job in 2013, combined with a marriage relationship that was not supportive.  Well, I did the job for the 1 year commitment and then moved out of the role and stepped my hours down last June.  I still wasn't making huge strides in weight loss, but June 2013 was the start of my mission to make exercise a habit again.  I started small, with a rule that I had to exercise 4 times a week, 30 minutes a day.  At first it was just walking.  Then run/walking (2 minutes running, 1 min walking).  This migrated to a new goal by the end of the summer, instead of just 30 min of exercise, I had to do 3 miles and I continued to increase the running times between walk breaks.  By Dec 2013, I was able to run the 3 miles non-stop.  This goal continued into 2014.

Shortly after 2014 rolled in, my marriage rolled out.  It wasn't long after my ex departed, that I realized how unhappy that relationship made me.  For an emotional eater, identifying the source that is driving your emotional eating is the key to weight loss.  January's care-for-myself goal was to keep up with the exercise, but to also add in calorie tracking (thank you Fitness Pal!)  Remembering what an appropriate sized meal looked like was a necessity for me and I used that app diligently for a solid 2 months.  I also had to break some lifetime bad habits (I don't need to finish everything on my plate, its ok to waste food!  Or better yet, take it home for lunch the next day, hooray to no cooking!)  At this point I no longer need the calorie counting and I don't restrict any food.  I just have learned to eat till I'm full and I counter large meals (eating out with friends) with small ones (soup for lunch).  I still love Culvers ice cream and will splurge for a Donutland snowball on occasion!

I have been told that to lose weight, its 75% what you eat and 25% what you do.   I'd modify that slightly to this ratio for the emotional eater: addressing your emotional eating source 70%, what you eat 20%, and what you do 10%.

I'm happy to report I am down 50 pounds from my highest weight.  That is less than I weighed before getting pregnant with Bella and actually less than I weighed when I graduated high school.  I am only 10 pounds shy of my pre-marriage weight, which is my ultimate (cathartic) goal.  I have covered 400 miles running since January, but I have covered so much more than that distance in both mental and emotional healing.   I am very happy with where I am today and I love this body.  It has been lived in and tells the story of ME.  I have stretch marks and wrinkles and squishy parts.  And I love each and every scar, both the kind you can see and the kind you can't.  These markings are a part of me, a physical testament to a life well lived.

Here's a shot of me this week, wearing a new size medium dress from Old Navy.  So proud of that 'M', I earned every bit of it!