Today I'm compelled to share a lesson Glennon reminded me of over yesterday's lunch hour. My blog, at its very core, is intended for me to share my truths, those life events that shape me into the person God intends. Its full of mistakes and brutal and hopefully you can see the beautiful that comes from it (BRUTIFUL, I just love this word!)
For those that regularly read this blog, you'll recall the post related to Isaac and what I now refer to as "the police incident". A few days after I posted the story, I received some feedback that questioned if Isaac had read/would read the post and a concern was expressed that the story I had posted could exacerbate our already tenuous relationship. This beloved friend was courageous enough to share her perspective and I confess I had not considered how my story would affect Isaac. I immediately pulled the post from my blog but saved it off in my journal because it was meaningful to ME and part of shaping ME.
Glennon reminded me yesterday that God plants these stories in my life for a reason and by sharing them, I can help reach others and give them the courage to own THEIR TRUTHS. One of the most powerful things I heard yesterday was "what do you want your kids to learn from you as they grow to adulthood?" The response? Kindness, courage, and compassion. I couldn't agree more. So how do we instill this in our kids? I think the first step is showing your kids you AREN'T perfect, you are HUMAN. You demonstrate by your own actions how to work through the hard that life throws at you. You show your kids how to sit in the uncomfortable emotions and let those emotions shape and grow you. Its through the brutals and the pain that we learn how to love more deeply, more wholy, more HOLY.
So, how does this tie back to the "police incident"? This post was MY story. It is what I didn't have the courage to say to Isaac at the time it occurred, as I worried the combination of my hurt and his hurt intermingled would be something that would break us. But in looking back, I think now this was a mistake. I wish I had asked him to tell me HIS story. And then I would have shared MY story. And in doing this, perhaps we could have both grown a little more empathic and compassionate for each other.
THIS is what I WILL do next time. And until next time? Here's MY reposted story, it was meant to be here.
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Ahhhhh, here is another non-sprinkle & rainbow tale in the life and times of Chrissy. I'm throwing this out there while its fresh in hopes it either helps someone else or someone reads this and has suggestions for how to handle this? The "mom handbook" did not cover this training in sufficient detail!! Oh who am I kidding, there IS no mom handbook, I've been winging this for 14 years.
Isaac is smart, sooo incredibly smart. The kid has been in TAG classes since 2nd grade and actually skipped 4th grade entirely. I note this because over the past year (to be honest this started right as soon as the divorce happened), Isaac has dropped off on being accountable for his grades. We had an "unpleasant surprise" in June of last year when we got his report card at end of year and he got his first ever C. We went into this school year with a more proactive approach. He got some clear boundaries placed (must maintain a B or above average in all classes) with explicit consequences (loss of electronics). In the flurry between houses, I will readily admit that Ryan and I failed to watch him as diligently as we had planned. By the end of the semester, Isaac had taken another turn for the worse and it was time to up the consequence list (removal of soccer). It seemed to shock him enough to recover Semester 1 grades to B- (barely). We started off post Xmas break with a reminder of the consequences and Ryan and I have been on the weekly grades/homework tracking like hawks. Over the past month, Isaac has slid back into his old habits of not doing his homework, he'd get flagged for it/lose privilege and then recover for a week and then back down again. He hasn't had his computer for better part of the last month and he hasn't attended soccer for 2 weeks now. Enter in "calling the bluff" stage of teenagerdom. Isaac decided he no longer needed to attend school since we'd taken everything of value from him. He has "had a headache" 3 days of the last 10.... I asked Isaac Monday night if he'd consider going to counseling (NO). I had called school counselor Tuesday and left a message asking for help/guidance but haven't heard back yet. I did manage to get him to school today thankfully. Turns out there was an ulterior motive. Rather than come home to my house, Isaac decided to go to his dads (who is out of town for work this week). WELL - ISN'T THAT ICING ON THIS SHITTY CAKE? Trust me, even with icing, it STILL wasn't palatable.
So, 445pm today after arriving at my house-with-no-Isaac-inside, I had Bella's key to her dads, the police on speed dial, and a goal to remain calm while confronting a terrorist (whom I happen to love dearly but right now want to throttle). I unlocked the door and politely asked him if he remembered he was supposed to be at my house tonight. Of course he knew. I asked him to get his things and go get in my car. Adamant refusal. At which point I dialed police (which got a response from Isaac). I remained on the line as Isaac grabbed his things and headed out the door and started walking. The CR police are FANTASTIC BTW! Heroes in uniform for this distraught mom. I was following along side Isaac with my caution lights on and the police man and woman got out of their respective patrol cars and spent some time talking with Isaac (and with me separately). The policeman was kind enough to tell me that this happens/is not unusual and I did the right thing. sigh... It doesn't feel like it, but hey maybe that is what the missing handbook says to do? Isaac spent the next hour sitting in the car in my garage. I meanwhile, called a trusted friend that Isaac looks up to and requested she come over tonight to talk with Isaac. Amanda, I LOVE YOU, your willingness to help means more than I can ever say.
And thats where we are at. I have no handbook, no fucking clue what to do next, and no hair on my head that is not now grey.... Please send a prayer my way or advice if you have been through something like this before. I'm all ears and desperate to help Isaac find his way.
Ahhhhh, here is another non-sprinkle & rainbow tale in the life and times of Chrissy. I'm throwing this out there while its fresh in hopes it either helps someone else or someone reads this and has suggestions for how to handle this? The "mom handbook" did not cover this training in sufficient detail!! Oh who am I kidding, there IS no mom handbook, I've been winging this for 14 years.
Isaac is smart, sooo incredibly smart. The kid has been in TAG classes since 2nd grade and actually skipped 4th grade entirely. I note this because over the past year (to be honest this started right as soon as the divorce happened), Isaac has dropped off on being accountable for his grades. We had an "unpleasant surprise" in June of last year when we got his report card at end of year and he got his first ever C. We went into this school year with a more proactive approach. He got some clear boundaries placed (must maintain a B or above average in all classes) with explicit consequences (loss of electronics). In the flurry between houses, I will readily admit that Ryan and I failed to watch him as diligently as we had planned. By the end of the semester, Isaac had taken another turn for the worse and it was time to up the consequence list (removal of soccer). It seemed to shock him enough to recover Semester 1 grades to B- (barely). We started off post Xmas break with a reminder of the consequences and Ryan and I have been on the weekly grades/homework tracking like hawks. Over the past month, Isaac has slid back into his old habits of not doing his homework, he'd get flagged for it/lose privilege and then recover for a week and then back down again. He hasn't had his computer for better part of the last month and he hasn't attended soccer for 2 weeks now. Enter in "calling the bluff" stage of teenagerdom. Isaac decided he no longer needed to attend school since we'd taken everything of value from him. He has "had a headache" 3 days of the last 10.... I asked Isaac Monday night if he'd consider going to counseling (NO). I had called school counselor Tuesday and left a message asking for help/guidance but haven't heard back yet. I did manage to get him to school today thankfully. Turns out there was an ulterior motive. Rather than come home to my house, Isaac decided to go to his dads (who is out of town for work this week). WELL - ISN'T THAT ICING ON THIS SHITTY CAKE? Trust me, even with icing, it STILL wasn't palatable.
So, 445pm today after arriving at my house-with-no-Isaac-inside, I had Bella's key to her dads, the police on speed dial, and a goal to remain calm while confronting a terrorist (whom I happen to love dearly but right now want to throttle). I unlocked the door and politely asked him if he remembered he was supposed to be at my house tonight. Of course he knew. I asked him to get his things and go get in my car. Adamant refusal. At which point I dialed police (which got a response from Isaac). I remained on the line as Isaac grabbed his things and headed out the door and started walking. The CR police are FANTASTIC BTW! Heroes in uniform for this distraught mom. I was following along side Isaac with my caution lights on and the police man and woman got out of their respective patrol cars and spent some time talking with Isaac (and with me separately). The policeman was kind enough to tell me that this happens/is not unusual and I did the right thing. sigh... It doesn't feel like it, but hey maybe that is what the missing handbook says to do? Isaac spent the next hour sitting in the car in my garage. I meanwhile, called a trusted friend that Isaac looks up to and requested she come over tonight to talk with Isaac. Amanda, I LOVE YOU, your willingness to help means more than I can ever say.
And thats where we are at. I have no handbook, no fucking clue what to do next, and no hair on my head that is not now grey.... Please send a prayer my way or advice if you have been through something like this before. I'm all ears and desperate to help Isaac find his way.
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