Upstaged by Miss Iowa?!?

So another no-kids weekend and another opportunity to make some new friends of the male persuasion, yay me for "getting out there!"  I happened to find a kindred spirit book-lover so I set up what I thought was a very fitting first date location, coffee and chatting at the downtown library.   (See?  I took everyone's advice and stopped having first dates that were dinner/movie variety!!!)  

I left my house later than planned and texted since I knew I was going to be a few minutes late.  Arriving at the library, I was surprised to see the lot and all the surrounding area street parking was full.   I visit the library several times a month and have never seen it so busy, CRAP!  So I got the joy of parking 2 blocks away, even more late, DOH!  My date was kind enough to be punctual, bonus points for him!  It was when we made our way to the coffee shop area that we realized the crazy going on at the library.  There were not 1, but 2 baby showers going on in reserved rooms... AND?  Standing in the front of the coffee line was a lady wearing a rather large tiara and a matching sash.  Ahh!!!  The library is hosting a qualifying round of the Miss Iowa teen pageant, JOY!  (I didn't even know these still existed?)  

<<DISCLAIMER 1: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Unless you were at the library this afternoon, then I might actually be talking about you, but I used you purely for inspiration....>>

<<DISCLAIMER 2: If you are a pageant affictionado, do not read any further, you will not like this blog post.>>

I didn't give the pageant another thought.  We got our coffees and then I gave my date a tour of our (most excellent) library facility.   After hitting the rooftop garden, we settled in two club chairs on the observation deck on the second story, with me facing towards the main library section and my date facing the entrance to auditorium/classrooms.  

Within 5 minutes, the circus begins.  

First up?  The entourage of "former" Miss Iowans down the observation deck, with their crowns proudly displayed, and leaving a visible cloud of perfume in their wake.  Seriously.  It was visible.  And unfortunately the smell took FOREVER to dissipate, I think I'm still scraping the taste of it off my tongue?  That probably should have been the indication that we should have relocated...  But no, we are tough.  (And stupid?)

Next up?  The swimsuit contest!  Yes, a whole bevy of under-age scantily clad and heavily made up teenagers walked behind me from the auditorium to bathroom (and then back again).  My date was kind enough to point it out and not have me just wondering why he kept looking over my shoulder.  

Then came the evil minions.  Really, it was just another bevy of heavily made up underage girls, who happened to each be wearing a purple blouse.   Hmm, really?  Yes, NOW we should move...  But no, we didn't.  At this point its like trying not to look at a car wreck....? 

However, I was now on to the circus occurring behind my back....  So when I heard the jingling sound, I didn't wait for date to point out the latest oddity, I quickly spun around to see it for myself.   Oh!!!   Its COWGIRL scantily clad teenager, bare midrift, with spurs jingling (I assumed it was spurs, but who knows.   You can't look that closely, they are UNDERAGE!!!!!)  Yep, this is officially the most environmentally strange first date I've been on.

But the icing on the cake was saved for last, because next up?  The talent contest portion of the event!  We were lucky enough to get to witness the baton twirler's warmup outside the auditorium. She had a lovely, revealing, bedazzled red outfit on and was able to keep 3 batons going while doing a backbend?  WOW!

My date did a pretty amazing job of maintaining the conversation and eye contact (mostly) the whole time.  Meanwhile, I'm just glad the baton twirler didn't hit me with one of her sticks.  It would have been a shame to ruin a perfectly good first date!