Radio silence, a life overwhelmed

Well, sigh, I have been sorely remiss on blogging this month.  So much for my ambitious goal of posting every week?  I even cheated on the last post and let a guest author cover it.  Bella's writing was so good I couldn't NOT share it though!

So I've been asking myself why I haven't posted lately...  It seems every time I have thought about posting in the past month,  I freeze.  I keep coming back to the fact that I now actually have people other than family members that are reading this blog and the pressure to put something out there that is meaningful is holding me back from just... being me.  Part of my self doubt is that I feel like a lot of the messages I want to convey anymore are related/similar vein.  And at what point do people start thinking "jeez I've read this one before..."   So I'm trying to bust past those feelings with this post and get back to why I started blogging in the first place.  It wasn't for family.  It wasn't for friends.  It was, and should always be, for me.  I write to remind myself that I have a voice.  And as much as I hope it inspires others, I actually use it to inspire myself.  When I have down days, I will go back and read a post and it forces me to see how far I've come even when that little voice inside my own head tries to tell me otherwise.

Writing these posts and then re-reading them over time?  Its the real thing that gets me out of bed on a  bad Monday...  A Monday following a weekend when you realize you'll never ever get "caught up" at work and it will always be a firestorm.   And firestorms get old after a while... A Monday following a weekend when you realize your teenage son who is a TAG student and has skipped an entire grade has become so apathetic that he is now failing one class and getting a C in another.   A week where BOTH your kids end up staying home sick and you still plug on your way to work because there is no other path.  They are old enough to stay by themselves and your mom hat falls a little more unworn to the floor.  

So... yeah, its been a tough week.  There will be more of these I know.  But reading through these posts this morning has reminded me that I've made it through tougher weeks.  I am going to just keep swimming and working to find those gems of joy in my day, my week, my month.

And oh yeah, I'm going to kick my own ass just because I can this Saturday by running a half marathon in Charleston South Carolina!  Bring it on life, I got you! :o)