Something I've been struggling with for a while now is how to define my life within culturally accepted norms. I've been looking at these long standing societal memes and really questioning their validity.
An example? Long term relationships. I felt significant pressure to get back in the dating saddle and find someone new this year. Why does divorce recovery success have to equate to being firmly reestablished in a new relationship? Friends have asked if I'm seeing anyone, dating... And I have to admit its caused me to feel guilt and embarrassment because I haven't been successful in finding my unicorn. The honest truth is I haven't actually been trying much. I knew this year's journey was meant for me to remember what it was like to be ME. The ME I was just starting to know when I became a wife and mother. There wasn't room in this past year for nurturing anything else besides myself and my children. But along the way, I also came to realize that I do not need to be in a relationship to feel whole. Needing to be part of a twosome is a societal meme; one that has taken me a long while to recognize as an untruth.
If I look back over this past year's journey? I'd rate it as possibly the best year of my life, and I was on my own the whole time. Life has taught me so much in just 12 short months. It has shown me I can walk through the valleys of life and still see joy and love being alive. It has taught me that no matter what happens, if I stay true to myself I will come out the other side okay and maybe even better than I went in?!? This year has honed those pieces of my character that are the very essence of ME to a razor sharp focus and I thank God every day for that clarity.
So I guess I'm going to keep trucking solo and enjoy each day as it comes. I'm not going to try to force things with love and long term relationships - if its meant to happen, it will. The surest way for it to be a success starts with me being myself and knowing the beauty of that will attract the "right" one.
But hey, if you happen to see a lone unicorn that seems like a match for me, feel free to pass along my number! ;o)
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