Those initial swipe "rules" I'd laid down are still spot on! :o) Two additional rules I'd add for "automatic no":
Rule 1: Pictures of guy in a crowd (uhm which one am I potentially going on a date with?) Extra no for pictures of guy in a crowd of women (are you trying to indicate you are a polygamist?)
Rule 2: Pictures of your kids. I find this extremely creepy. I personally do not think Tinder should allow pictures of anyone under 18 on this site.... Unfortunately, lots of guys DO have pictures of their kids. UGH.
The whole Tinder experience has been a bit surreal actually. I feel as if I have fallen into the middle of an episode of Sex in the City... I'm wondering how the heck I managed to go from mid-30s-married-with-two-kids mom to "Samantha" in just over a year? While I've enjoyed the education, I've certainly come away with some lessons learned. While these all "seem" to be common sense, they can be surprisingly hard to put in practice.
- If you are married, please do NOT have a Tinder profile unless you partner is aware and consenting. I've been disheartened to now have run across more than one married man on this site and their respective spouse was unaware. BLEH.
- Have no expectations going into a first "date". This seems pretty pessimistic off the cuff, but in reality, if you can keep the attitude of "nothing to lose, I'm going to take what comes", I assure you more times that not, you are going to have a great night. :o)
- First dates should be SHORT. Keep it 1-2 hours. Its enough to feel out if there is chemistry and to see if there is enough in common to make it to date two.
- There are no "rules" you need to abide by for when you move on from friends to lovers. Don't judge and don't let yourself be judged. You are an adult and its your life. Do what feels right to you.
- If and when you do decide to cross that line? Always be prepared. Have a condom, don't assume he will. Make him use it, no excuses. There is no sexual experience so great its worth gambling your life on. Yes, this sounds extreme, but so is Russian roulette. Sex with unknown partners? Thats sexual roulette...
- Get his full name and number and pass to a trusted friend, along with where you'll be going and how long you expect to be. It never hurts to have backup. (Yes, I know... Sadly the world is a crazy place).
- ALWAYS go to his place first. This has multiple benefits. It allows you to assess him at his core (I believe a home reflects the person that lives within). It gives you the power of determining when the evening will end, without having an awkward "uhm, that was fun... I have to get up early" speech (to discourage unwanted overnight guests). And lastly/most importantly, it ensures you keep your "fun" away from your sanctuary/home. :o)
I will also note that Tindering is highly addictive, along the same vein as Candy Crush or Trivia Crack. I'd find myself checking out my matches and swiping between meetings or while waiting to pick up kids from practice. For a lady who already has no free time, these are precious minutes that could be better spent. While I have enjoyed the ease at which the app allowed me to explore single men outside my normal circle, I've also found myself caught up in the social media "like-ability" game. I know I don't need to validate myself by the number of matches I make or whether or not I hear back from "that guy". But sometimes its hard to fight off that little devil on your shoulder and it has certainly thrown my self confidence for a loop on occasion.
Having slid down this slippery slope, I've decided its time to take off my Tinder shoes for a bit and put focus back on the things that matter most to me. Myself and my kids. I'm not giving up looking for a dance partner, I've just come to realize that its not going to be forced into happening, it will come when its time.
God, please grant me the patience to WAIT! :o)
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