One of the original cons appeared to be the additional coordination needed to get Bella to and from her daily activities. Since Isaac can drive and has a car, he is pretty self-sufficient (although not super excited about me incorporating him into my plans for logistics involving sister transport). This has in fact turned out to be one of the biggest perks. It allows me dedicated time with my daughter twice a day in the car as we commute together to and from school/work. I have found car riding to be the best location for talking about some of the really hard things that are on your teenager's mind. Sometimes Bella says nothing the whole ride (usually most mornings :o) ) But other times, like a few weeks ago, she will tell me about a something that someone said or did at school that affords me an opportunity to shine a little of my almost 40 years of perspective on the subject.
The topic that arose this time was all about career paths. Bella told me how her friend wants to be a software coder because she wants her kids to not have to want for anything and to have the great upbringing she experienced. And oh, as an afterthought, she likes coding.
Bella: "Mom, how do people ever really know what to pick?"
Me: <deep sigh> "wow... thats a really hard question. I know you've heard this before, heck nearly every inspirational quote out there revolves around this. You need to do what you love. God planted a seed inside you and its your job to figure out what it is and harvest it. But the reason there are lots of quotes out there to remind us to do this is because its a really hard thing to do. Some people never find it and others never even try to look.
The reality is I made the same decision as your friend did. I picked something I showed a talent for as I didn't feel a specific calling when I was only 17. I've spent a lifetime of introspection getting to know myself enough to be able to shape my career. So when you finally know/figure it out? You have to act. And that's actually even harder. Because it may mean you have to give up a lifestyle you've become accustomed to, and there are a lot of unknowns and those constant thoughts of "am I chasing something where I think the grass is greener on the other side, when in reality it isn't even grass over there but a field full of rocks?"
To compound this all, as a woman, you will feel societal pressure to be the best at everything. The best wife, friend, daughter, mother, worker... Wonder Woman. But you have to fight that list of roles and make sure you are, at the end of the day, the best YOU. The YOU that God planted the seed for. Your natural instinct when you become a mother is to throw your everything at it. If you choose the path of motherhood, it is the most important job you will have, being the shadow of leadership that realtime shapes the next generation. But the axiom of installing your own oxygen mask first is a great visualization of what can happen when you take this everybody else first approach. You starve out yourself and become a shell of the mother you could have been if you had put yourself at the top of this list. That's a lot of the why behind my latest career choice. I wanted to be around more for you and for Isaac in this short time we have left together. And I recognized I haven't had my oxygen mask on for a while and need to take some deep breaths.
The good news? Careers? They aren't black and white. They aren't set in stone. You can change it, its a choice. If you can see everything in life as an opportunity to learn and grow, and bring a willingness to embrace change? You are going to end up at the end of your life having had a pretty fulfilling journey. And thats about all we can ask for in this blink that we get.
Hmm this was a pretty deep discussion for the car... "
Which is why we then headed into the house to watch the Grinch. :o)
Wisdom on so many levels. Investing in yourself equips you to give from a different perspective / level. Pursuring what you love positions one to become excellent in a field because it becomes less "work" and more of a life passion. Bill Gates, Mark Zuk... It is indeed a "Blink"...
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