Given that I'm wandering down life's path as a single woman, again working through heartache, I find myself reminiscing through heartaches in my past. It is during these backward soujorns I sometimes stumble across things I had not recalled in years. Decades even? Sometimes I wonder if I forget "intentionally", as it helps to minimize the emotions it stirs up inside me...
I was in high school, ninth grade I think. I arrived at my locker after the 1st period of the morning and inside I found a note and a small gift. I had a secret admirer!!! Each hour after that, something new arrived in my locker and it quickly became the talk of the high school (yes, I went to THAT small of a high school!) 7 periods of gifts - candy, chocolate, balloons, perfume, stuffed animals... The last note asked that I meet my secret admirer after school in the lunch room. I was so scared of who it might be, but peer pressure demanded that I at least walk by the lunch room. I think the bevy of girlfriends along for the ride didn't help the situation much. Unfortunately, the lone guy in the lunch room was not someone I was interested in, so I kept on walking. Not my proudest moment....
I will give him credit for persistence though. He came to my house that night, along with flowers and a portrait of me he had drawn. Seriously, he had drawn a picture of me?!? By this time, I was furious. I hadn't asked for his affection. I couldn't recall having spoken more than two words to him. High school has so many peer group nuances to it and I was devastated that he had completely embarrassed me in front of my friends (and the whole high school for that matter). I went outside and talked with him and had what I hoped was as kind a let-down as could be managed in unrequited love.
20 years of experience later and the perspective I have on this memory is so very different...
Looking back over my life, this is probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I am thinking tonight about how brave this young man was, to put himself so far out there for love. I left him with heartache and I look back with sadness for causing him that pain. But I also hold in my heart admiration and respect. He should be so proud of himself for owning his love and not being afraid to show it to the world, because that is a truely AMAZING THING.
Next time I find one of these guys, I'm keeping him!
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