Things that shape us

I'm knee-deep in the middle of another book recommend by Bella, because of mr. terupt.  I started at 10pm and its now almost 1am, so what the hell I might as well stay up and finish it.  Par for her course, Bella has found another gut wrenching book that touches me in some of the most buried places, my own memories.

Losing a loved one to death hurts terribly.  But it seems to me, that unexpected death hurts more.  Do you recall the first person you knew personally who died?  Maybe an older relative, a great aunt or a grandparent?  What if one of the first people you experienced death with was a best friend?

You can recall that beautiful summer day with such clarity.  You remember hearing the sirens of the ambulance as they screamed out of town that afternoon and wondered in passing what had happened.  Maybe you said a quick prayer for whomever was on the receiving end of that drive (I always do now)...  And a little while later, the phone call.  The drive to the hospital and walking into all your friends in the waiting room, already sobbing.  Seeing her lying there, hooked up to tubes (you'll always be able to recall exactly what that medical beeping sound really sounds like because of this moment).  She's there, but she's not there.  She is a shell of the girl I knew.  Her grandfather singing Amazing Grace unaccompanied at her grave side.... Just thinking of that song again makes me tear up even now.  I can recall the last time we just hung out.  A pool party at a friend's house for the whole softball team and I remember her riding on my back as we horsed around with the rest of our friends in the water.   She was so ALIVE.

My mom asked me not that long ago what drives me to be the way I am...  This drives me.  This was one of those singular moments in my life that shaped who I've become.  When Melissa died, I felt as if I should make the most of whatever life I had ahead of me.  And that I should try to live the life she never got to.

Sadly this happens all the time, kids struck down before ever getting to know life.   Bella's teacher has been out of school since the first week, her son was in a very serious motorcycle accident.  I'm sending up prayers for him for full recovery.  But if that is not what is in God's plan, I pray that He gives this family the strength to let this event mold and shape them, but to not let it break them.  Amen.