How imperfect is imperfect?

One of the things I both love and hate about Facebook is how so many of the posts are funny, happy, uplifting.   I rarely hop on the site without finding something that makes me smile.  But alongside that joy, I occasionally find myself looking at all these people with their "perfect" lives and think "WTF am I doing wrong?"  I know.  I know.  I KNOW...  This is just silly.  I recognize no one has a perfect life and that behind every smile are challenges.  Some are small little things that seem big because there is nothing bigger to measure against.  And some are so big that I feel guilty I even thought about wishing I had their life.   And this got me wondering how many people out there think this about me?  Do I only ever post the good things?  On FB, yeah, I probably do....  And I think that's one of the reasons why I blog anymore.  To counter the "life is all rainbows and sprinkles" Chrissy with the "what the heck is really going on inside her head" Chrissy.

So, my imperfects?

Well, here's an example.  Where I once felt whole on my own, I now find I alternate between feeling really blessed to be single again after a decade of numbness to feeling really really lonely.  It is such a strange dichotomy of emotion.  I have found that I have done things that I'm not proud of in trying to "fill the lonely".  Soliciting an unavailable man?  Yep, I've done that.  Ugh...  This may in fact rank at the very top of my list of things I'm pretty ashamed to admit about myself.  Fortunately he had more sense than I did and nothing was acted upon.  For that I will always be grateful.
 
Another example.  Where I once felt like I was a decent parent, I now feel sub-par on a regular basis.  I don't know if its the divorce or the teenage hormones or a little bit of both, but it feels like Isaac and I are constantly cycling between good and bad interactions.  I hit a limit this Saturday night after the kids had been at each other off and on all day.  After Bella picked on Isaac in the car, he overreacted and hurt her.  This caused ME to overreact to the point of pulling over the car and pitching Isaac's phone out the window.  sigh.... NOT a proud parenting moment.  I got the opportunity to learn from that experience by scrounging around in the dark to find said phone and then apologizing to Isaac for my childish behavior.

There are countless stories like these really, occurring regularly throughout my day.  I'm definitely imperfect.  But...  You know what I do have?  I have the courage to admit that I am imperfect.  I have the strong desire to continue to learn from my mistakes.  And I have overwhelming gratitude for those who love me despite my obvious failings.  You are my blessings and I thank God for you every day.