well its been a whole week since my latest crazy idea...

I have been a huge fan of Sarah Susanka's Not So Big House, ever since I read the book back in 2006.   The concept is a simple one, a well designed home where you really use EVERY inch.  This aligns with my long term desire to move towards a simpler life, with a smaller "footprint" on this world.  When I sit back and really think about my living space, its pretty obvious I'm not efficient right now with my >2400 sq ft, 4 bedroom, 4 bath house containing me and 2 kids (half-time) and 2 doggies (full time).

With kid exodus looming on the horizon, my long term plan was always to downsize.  When a smaller house became available right next to my sister, I went on a whim to take a look.  Unfortunately, about 2 weeks later when I had decided that maybe this downsizing thing was a good idea in the short term, the house had already sold...  But by then the bug had hit!  So I used up some of my vacation time and took the full week off at Thanksgiving, where I found my perfect tiny house!  Its move-in ready now, but with a little elbow grease and capital investment, it will be my dream house!  :o)  This will give me some fun and needed DIY projects for the future, WOOT!

Here are some quick shots of the house.   My DIY improvements are sure to get some blog time over the next several months.  My plan is to turn attic into a master suite, a full kitchen remodel, yard makeover and a new 2 stall detached garage. Schedule goal?  To have that all done by end of  this summer...  I'm nothing if not ambitious!  Luckily, I have parents that are either ALSO crazy or are just gluttons for punishment and are willing to provide copious amounts of unpaid support!

I close over Christmas break (Merry Christmas to the Littlers!) and I was lucky to be able to slow-roll my current home sale to allow for moving without stress.  Current house will be on the market by Jan 1st, if anyone knows someone looking in the Linn Mar school district!

Tough love...

Well, I think I've calmed down enough to provide yet another little gem of insight into raising teenagers.  Sit back, this is kind of a long one!!!

Two Sundays ago, Isaac was scheduled to have the last of his club soccer league games which happened to be a doubleheader over in Davenport.  Of course, Bella and I both had our own commitments on this day and I realized all of this convenient schedule convergence about 5 days before game day.  Luckily I have an AMAZING mother, who continually gets to fill in as my kids' mother when I cannot be in 2 places at once.  After a quick call, she had agreed to watch Bella on Sunday so I could rearrange my schedule and take Isaac to the games all day.

Saturday evening Isaac tells me he is playing an online tournament with friends and while its supposed to be done at 11pm (the time his internet privilege shuts off), he asks if he can get a few hours' extension just in case.  Of course we've been down THIS road before, so I'm smart enough to reiterate there will be "no excuses the next day that he can't do things..." <insert gloomy foreshadowing music here>

7:45am Sunday morning, I wander down to basement to ensure Isaac is getting ready and will be available for our planned 8:30 departure.

Isaac: "Mom.... I feel sick. I can't go to the game.  My stomach hurts."

Me: "uhhh, what?"

Isaac: "my stomach really hurts."

Me: <cannot recall exact context of what I said here due to red haze of rage so this is my best guess> "Like hell you are...  Why are you sick Isaac?  Do you think maybe because you stayed up all night playing video games and eating crap?  Get your stuff on, we are going"

Isaac, incredulous: "You expect me to go when I'm sick?"

Me: "Isaac, in real life, you sometimes actually have to live with your poor decisions and have to push through feeling like crap.  You made a commitment to your team and then you made some bad choices last night that you now get to deal with consequences.  Get some pepto bismol, get your gear, and get in the car"

Isaac, pissed off: "I'm not going to soccer"

Me, officially losing my shit: "That's it Isaac.  I'm done, if you don't value club soccer, then why should I?  I'm going to make this as black and white for you as I can.  Here are MY consequences for the choice you are about to make.  I am done supporting club soccer, financially/driving/other.  You will no longer get privileges for free in this house.  That includes things like internet usage, usage of car.  So that means you will get to start riding the bus to school, even though you have the first 2 periods with no classes this quarter.   As a teenager, your "job" is school and the extracurricular commitments you've made.  I went to a lot of work and inconvenienced several other people to ensure you could attend these games.  You are letting down the following people: your dad who was planning to drive over to watch you, your grandma who is coming over from ankeny to watch your sister, your coaches and teammates who are depending on you as part of the rostered list for the weekend. Is this really the choice you want to make?"

<insert lots of angry back and forth here>

Ultimately, Isaac chose to not attend the games.

Conveniently, Ryan and I were scheduled to have a kid meeting the following Monday morning.  Can you guess what our primary topic was?  After much discussion, this is what Ryan and I agreed upon as our solution and I am very happy its a united front as this is what makes parenting across two households effective.  I discussed this final resolution with Isaac this evening and then followed it up with an email to capture in writing for all to be able to refer back to so there will be no confusion later.

Isaac,

per our discussion tonight and your decision to not attend FC soccer last weekend, here is the updated guidance regarding internet/car usage:

- Expectation is you will need to get a part-time job.  We will be giving you until Dec 31st to arrange this.  In order to use car/internet during this timeframe, you'll need to prepay $100. This covers internet usage at both houses from 6am to 11pm and car usage for school/sports/job/pre-approved social events.

- Starting Jan 1, internet usage is $50/month, covering both houses from 6am -11pm. Car payment per month will be $50, covering cost of insurance and yearly license/registration.  You are responsible for paying for your own gas.

Let me know if you have any questions in regards to this, internet will be turned on once payment has been received.

Love,

Mom

For what its worth, Ryan and I also agreed I would collect these payments in a fund for Isaac for when he goes to college.  Not that he will ever know that.... (so don't blab!)  ;o)

You get what you give... Its the little things.

Well, I'm two months into my new job and the haze of "holy shit" is wearing off into "oh SHIT".  I think one of the hardest aspects of being a leader is that you are ALWAYS a leader, no days off.  It adds an overwhelming amount of pressure on top of an already challenging learning curve.  What I find amazing though is that God always seems to drop something on my path to encourage me to keep going.  This week was no exception.

I knew going into Monday that I had to have 1 crucial conversation, which turned into 2 surprise additional crucial conversations with other people.  The highlight of my day was when I ordered an alternative reward for a deserving employee before I left for the day.  I wanted to thank my employee in a personal way in lieu of just the automated email, so I wrote myself a sticky note to bring in a thank you the next day.  Tuesday lunchtime rolls around and I take a few minutes between bites of food at my desk to write the thank you for my employee and then left it on his desk.

This was the HIGHLIGHT of my day.

Wednesday morning?  This employee sent me a hangout and let me know how much that card meant.  In 22 years at Rockwell, he had never gotten a personal thank you note before from a manager.  WOW!!! And here I was worrying when I was crafting the note that he would think it was cheesy??  But that feedback was enough for me to have a GREAT Wednesday and it is THE thing getting me through the HARD this week.

Its the little things that illustrate the full circle of life and how what you do comes back around.

Take time to see others.  Tell them you see them and that you appreciate them.   TRUTH.

Leaning in

Apparently I decided to take "summer break" on the blog?!? :o)  Here's hoping to a little more consistency going forward, although I feel like I've said this before...  I've recently had one of those big life-change events and its had me delving into introspective mode, always a good driver for blogging.  ;o)

In mid-June, a job opportunity opened up for an engineering department manager position at work.  I vacillated on whether or not to apply for the position and had decided to not.  Luckily, I have some very amazing women that helped me realize that by not even applying, I was doing the exact opposite of what I coach all my other girlfriends to do?!?  So I jumped out on the limb and threw my name in the hat.  Flash forward to mid-August and I've been operating in this new role for 3 weeks now!

It is crazy overwhelming and I'm sure I'm not even touching the tip of the iceberg.  Strangely over the past 2 years, I've learned that I need a level of chaos to really drive myself to that next level.  One of the things that I love is that it really has me questioning what I stand for as a leader.   I had my first team meeting with the group this week and as part of this, I wanted to share those core beliefs with them.

As I built this slide, I realized that I don't just live this way at work, these are really LIFE principles for me and worth recapping here.  Its time to lean in baby!

My mission to best the wandering boob pad...

Being a frequent exerciser and having an anatomy that requires a little support in the upper regions, I have long operated under the need to utilize a sports bra in my athletic endeavors.  I have a whole stash of these wardrobe essentials and they all have one thing in common.... removable boob pads.

I have not figured out why any woman would actually want to remove the boob pads, as they exist (in my opinion) exclusively to eliminate the dreaded headlight scenario while exercising.  (Yes its cold in here, stop looking at my nipples!)

I have begrudgingly washed these bras and then spent at least 10 minutes of each week at laundry time, finding and replacing the escapees and repositioning ALL of them  because even if they don't escape in the wash, they get all scared from the washing beatings and enter a fetal-like scrunched up position within the bra and STILL require manual effort to relocate internally.

While this has annoyed me for a while, its only been in the past 3 weeks an idea has been stewing in my brain.  Enter my beloved Pfaff sewing machine, I'm gonna teach these boob pads who's boss, once and for all!!!

Before:

2 Minutes later, all frankensteined with stitching:

1 more Minute later, extra strings removed:

20 minutes total??? All done!  Take that pads, now lets get running!!!!

empowHER

IWLC - How I love the inspiration you provide in just a few short hours,  I always leave the event fired up and ready to be an agent of change!!!  In ruminating over the Women's Leadership conference today, I was pleasantly surprised to find how many of the tips/tricks these leaders shared I was already doing!  YAY me!  Even though not all of the information today was new, its so essential it bears repeating.

Janice Kaplan's Gratitude journal tip?  Done that.  And IT WORKS.  Keep it simple so its not a chore (a scrap of paper by the bed with just a sentence for each of the 3 - 4 grateful things from your day is enough!)  Use the car trip home from work to focus on the good specifics of your day.  Forcing this perspective change creates happiness and ensures you bring the right attitude into your home life.  And when you have a down cycle?  Remember to give yourself grace ~ nothing in nature blooms all year, be patient with yourself!  Another tip in the down moments? Read through that gratitude journal.  It helps to remind yourself that you've gotten through shit before and you've always made it through to the other side.  :o)

Hannah Ubl's Generational differences session was very informative.  In a high tech industry with a very quickly changing generational population, I found the "how to relate to each generation" education directly relevant to my everyday workplace.  Its nice to know that as a Gen X/Millenial cusper, I actually speak 2 generational languages!  :o)  She noted US Bank has a yearly CEO led open dialogue with 12 high potential millennials from across the company to encourage a forum for allowing their voices to be heard.  I think this is a BRILLIANT idea and would love to see RC enact something like this but take it a step further.  We do skip-levels all the time, but to really hear a population's voice, you cannot dilute it among other populations (so many of these meetings are mixed generation/gender/job type).  If attrition is the problem you are trying to solve in this war-for-talent pandemic, then isolate the voices you need to hear from.  I think it would be incredibly insightful for some high potential polling in breakout sessions by gender/generation.

Another tip from Hannah was soliciting a 5 word performance review from a colleague (2-3 positive words/2-3 negative words).  Set up an informal meeting for an hour (starbucks run anyone??) to discuss the meaning behind the selected words, then crumple up the paper and trash it - not everything needs to be HR documented!  The real benefit to this review is then setting up an improvement roadmap, with very specific items you want to address and a timeline.

Natalia Noguera was kind enough to bring Venn diagrams into the picture, which I found so nerdy awesome I had to give a shout out here.  It looks something like this:

I'm still trying to determine if I'm in the #WIN zone?  Waffling on the "love" part... :o)

And the last little bit I got out of the Conference?  Some staggering statistics that show we are STILL NOT THERE yet....   It is 2016 people, WTF?

THIS is what keeps me pushing on in my profession, even though there have been times I've wanted to quit so badly I called HR to see if I could cash out my 401k.

But you want to know some positive statistics?   Women influence 80% of the spending in our economy.  And they make up over 50% of the voting population.  So if we aren't being heard, its as much onus on us women as it is the culture we need to shift.  There aren't many leaders above me that look like me.  If women keep stepping back, there never will be.  So I guess I'll just keep marching forward and I'll bring my own chair to the table.  And if that doesn't align with my life?  Then I'll be creating my own table.  :o)

Mom versus kids: Round 574

Well my New Years resolution of 2x-a-week weights took a bit of a derailment with the knee issue.  At this point I feel fully healed and am ready to get back to it.  Weightlifting, we are back on the plan!  And because I know myself so well, I knew I really needed to come up with an accountability strategy outside my own willpower. ;o)

Fortunately for me, Isaac has become QUITE obsessed with lifting.  Earlier this week, he was showing me the app he downloaded on his phone to track weight sets/time his workout.  His plan seemed pretty straightforward and the weights he was lifting were aligned with just under where I had left off.  This is about where the lightbulb went off.  I have a built-in accountability/lifting partner right under my roof!  So I told Isaac my idea and he said he would be amenable (with as much enthusiasm as a 15 year old boy can muster when asked to lift weights with his mom).

Friday rolls around (planned lifting day 1) and as Isaac and I were enroute home from soccer, he casually asks when we are lifting that evening.  (Damn, I was hoping he had forgotten!)  Seeing as I had a million errands I wanted to accomplish before sundown, I suggested we lift later, say 10 pm?  This happens to be Isaac's preferred time slot for lifting as it coincides with his internet connection getting disabled for the night! ;o)  He agreed to the plan and in my exceptionally-optimistic-thank-God-its-Friday mentality, I told Isaac that under NO circumstances was he to let me back out.  (Again, i know myself VERY well!)

Isaac, being the incredibly smart young man he is, sensed an opportunity.  "I tell you what, Mom.  Lets make a deal.  If you end up backing out on lifting days, you owe ME an extra hour of internet that night."

FUCKKKKK - This kid knows me WELL.

Obviously there was no backing down from this challenge, so I accepted.  Of course, I did one million and 1 things after supper and finally by 9pm, I sat down and popped in a movie for Bella and I to relax to.  About 9:30, here comes Isaac from the basement, ready to lift...  I told him I'd be down at 10 pm per our agreement (but I could already tell I was seriously fading).  He didn't buy it.  I checked movie duration; it was a 2 hour movie, sigh....  After 10 minutes of haggling, we came to resolution with Isaac getting an extra hour of internet and him agreeing to spot me starting next week.

DAMN IT!  I think Kid won this one.

But ultimately, if it motivates me to lift, I'm gonna call it a tie.  :o)

Mom versus kids: Round 573

So Isaac is quickly approaching legal driver status (GASP!)  He has seemed to be very apathetic to driving...   I guess he realizes this getting chauffeured thing is a pretty sweet setup?  I had to literally drag him through the process of getting his learner's permit, including practicing driving.  In contrast, I've been driving on my own since I got my student school permit, nearly every day since I turned 15!

Anyway, Isaac has finally come to the realization that I was serious when I told him the minute he turns 16, the mom bus service ends. And while I recognize that I gain serious benefits in my arranging things so he can drive himself, I don't want him to take this as a given right.  To help Isaac with a little perspective, I actually went a little Technical Project Manager (TPM) on him...  (glad these skills work in both venues!!)  Here are the written requirements that Isaac needed to fill in order to requisition a vehicle:

Isaac,

I'd like to see you research up to 5 used cars that are $5000 or less. You need to provide information on:

• make
• model
• year
• gas mileage (mpg)
• recurring anticipated maintenance costs (including oil change and expected gas usage expenses)

You will also need to call Teri Jeter from All State and get a quote to cover you as a driver on my plan (319-363-4008). If she won't provide you an upper cost to my plan, ask her for a quote for you as a solo driver. Please provide this as a shared google sheet with your dad and I for review and we can discuss next steps.

Love,
Mom

Well, this was a great plan and since Isaac doesn't turn 16 till November, I (and he) assumed he had quite a bit of time to work this task.  Ironically, Isaac's dad took it upon himself last Friday when Isaac had day off school to look into/obtain a student permit for Isaac.  This magical little card allows Isaac to drive himself to/from school starting NOW.  

HOLD THE PHONE!?!   

Bleh.  

So, in my standard TPM fashion, I instantly start in on problem solving.  Teri Jeter? Called and quoted, on both his dad's plan AND mine.  (Even if Isaac had done his "homework", I had planned to call her myself, as I find the best operating method is to trust but verify!!!)

Next problem? Getting a car STAT.  Conveniently, my little sister has been slowly searching for a new car and happens to be currently driving a single-owner 2007 grey Toyota Camry with about 166k miles.  Price point? $3000, well within range!  She and I were negotiating the price tonight and the following discussion occurred:

Me: I'll pay $2900 if no exhaust issues, $2800 otherwise.  And we can do this as soon as you say yes.
Sis: Well I want to get it cleaned up.  That's fine.
Me: Have you seen Isaac's room?? Not necessary! ;o)
Sis: Well I'm at least gonna vacuum.  And clean all the crap out.
Me: Fine.  Honestly? Isaac has no skin in the game here.  How about I drop him off Saturday morning to clean and detail it?  If he does well, I'll let him know we are buying it.
Sis:  LOL
Me: I'm serious.  Let me know when you around for him to come over, anytime after 9:30 works for me.  :o)

And... of course I'm still going to make him do the spreadsheet.  

I call this a mom WIN. ;o)

Bum wheel, new deal...

So apparently 2016 is the year my body starts to fall apart <insert sad face and copious sighing>.  I entered the new year with a sore left shoulder.  I "lived with it" for about a month and finally decided that it wasn't getting better on its own, so I better go see someone...  A free Rockwell Recreation Center physical therapy assessment determined the root issue was tendonitis.  The cure? Rest, ice, ibuprofen...  SUCK!

Then about mid-February, we finally started to get some spring thaw.  Of course, this accelerated my desire to get outside!  I mistakenly took this warmer weather as open invitation to do some night-time running (yes, bad idea).  About a block from my house, I stepped on what I thought was a solid snow bank, and it turns out it was a misleading pile of slush.  I slammed my left leg down through this pile of slush, about a foot of it, and locked knee as my foot hit the concrete at bottom.  The pain was so bad I hobbled home and proceeded to not wear heels for over 2 weeks (that is serious folks!)  After several more weeks of limited running (and limited heel wearing), I finally scheduled an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon mid-March.  Having already had ACL reconstruction on my left leg in 1996, I KNEW this wasn't getting better on its own.

Well, 5 minutes of x-rays and 5 minutes with the surgeon resulted in my diagnosis.  I have arthritis in my left knee, most likely from the ACL surgery of 20 years past.  The injury caused a flare-up in the joint and while I could opt to do a scope to clear out some of the snaggly bits, every time I cut open the knee, it will continue to degrade/exacerbate this problem.  SON OF A....

But you know what that awesome doctor had?  A magical concoction called a cortisone shot!  While the shot itself was painful, the relief I felt upon walking afterwards was pretty much instantaneous.  In fact, it felt so much better, I asked if I could get one for my shoulder too!  Doctor happily obliged and I now feel back to normal (or as normal as I'll ever be??)

The long term prognosis is I'll have to rely on shots to get over flare-up symptoms indefinitely or until the knee completely wears out.  AWESOME (not really).   This sobering event has caused me to take a hard look at other long-term exercise options that I can utilize once my knee gives up the ghost and I just can't take the impact of running anymore.  Naturally, this brought biking and swimming to the forefront of my list.  I had already been thinking that in 2016 I'd like to try venturing into a triathlon.  However, since I can't swim (besides to stay alive) and I don't own a road bike, this thought line hadn't progressed very far.  Apparently all it takes to accelerate this idea is a swift kick in the knee?

So on my spring break vacation day this week, I found a swimming instructor and am happy to report I start private swim lessons next weekend.  I hope to be able to work past newbie stage in a few months and then transition to the Milky Way Masters swim club.

And I finally made it to World of Bikes in Iowa City yesterday and brought back this beauty.  RAGBRAI, here I come!!!  (Yes, the cute little bag suckered me in...)  Here's to new options towards maintaining a healthy me!

Dating dilemmas

Well, I had an online dating site fail this past weekend.  I don't know what it is about being at my parents house that always brings this out in me?  Perhaps because I get a visual reminder of their comfortable companionship after all these years of marriage together.  It seems to incite that basal instinct to find my Mr. Right.  So of course that means I should reinstall one of my self-banned dating apps onto my phone and have a binge swipe/like session after 10pm on a Saturday night.  (Yes, this is just as bad an idea in real life as it sounds like on paper).

Online dating is such an interesting phenomenon.  The single biggest positive going for it?  It allows me to expand my dating pool from my usual life circles (where single-men-I'm-not-related-to population = 0.... seriously) to a reasonably sized pool within 25 miles or less of my current location.  Its dating pool wizardry, a la Aladdin's internet magic lamp!

The downside?  Well, first off, its reasonably sized.  I go from famine (reference previous population count) to feast.  It quickly becomes an overwhelming smorgasbord of potential mates.  I think this is more apt for women in the online dating world as it seems the ratio of men to women is highly slanted towards men.  I have a hard time with this because I am at my core an exclusive dater.  Just chatting with multiple people at the same time feels weird/wrong to me..??

So, lets say out of the hundreds of guys available, you assess (based on a few pictures/minimal profile) that 2 or 3 make the cut to the chatting phase.  This is where the next obvious flaw in the online system exists.  You start talking with someone over a medium (text) that has a penchant to drive "artificial connection".  Because there is no physical feedback in discussions over text, there is a lack of inhibition which seems to drive people to become very personal long before meeting in real life.  It leaves you with a feeling of "knowing someone" before you really know them.

And we're back to the best/worst part of online dating.  First dates. :o)  I can't say I've had too many miserable dates (sans the holding hands incident early on in my dating travails).  Part of this I chalk up to my own attitude and how I approach dating.  I am usually saying reminders to myself all day leading up to the date, "no pressure, you're just making a new friend".   This helped me get through those very first dates post-divorce when I was incredibly nervous.  Now, I say it more as a reminder to myself that I don't owe anyone anything out of a date.  Its annoying that I actually need to remind myself of this, but that sense of obligation runs very strong.  I will need to ponder this on another night?!?  But I digress....

One of the other things I've come to know about myself is that physical attraction is really just a small part of this mate puzzle for me.  One of the things that intrigues me most is how I've found my attraction to someone actually can grow out of friendship, when there was nothing there upon first meeting.  Personality, intelligence, humor, passion for similar interests all can cause me over time to see a man completely differently.   This poses a dilemma... How many dates should I go on before throwing in the towel?

So, of course my dating site fail has led to some dating opportunities.  :o)  The latest guy?  On paper, he is a rockstar, hitting pretty much my entire Mr. Right list, and a few extras.  But the in-person instant attraction?  Not there...  

What to do?

Leaning out my life....

I'm fortunate to have a good job that pays me to do interesting work 40-50 hours a week.  However, I've come to realize the job leaves me a limited amount of free time and I have a seriously lengthy list of things I want to do in my life.  Strange how this list keeps growing, not getting shorter??  This paradox has caused me to seriously rethink how I balance my WANTS with my NEEDS.   I've gone back and forth trying to decide if I wanted to work less hours to free up more time to do my WANTS?  While I think this will definitely be in my long term plan, I also have to consider that I support 2 amazing kids, which dials back some of my more grandiose ideas (at least for 6 more years, ha!)  In lieu of a job/hours change, I've decided to take another approach in the short term.  Namely, getting rid of all the shit that I don't love doing outside of work....

Topping this list?  Cleaning my house.  Especially the deep cleaning variety of cleaning.  I keep a pretty tidy house, but if you touched my bookshelves, I'd have to rearrange things to cover up your fingerprints in the 1/2" layer of dust!!!  I find it ironic that one of the very first pieces of advice I got upon entering the workforce with young children (from my female manager at the time) was to get a house cleaning service.  Well... 15 years later?  I'm taking that advice.  And kicking myself in the butt for having not done it much much sooner.  She starts next week and my bathrooms and baseboards are sooo excited to see her!!!!!

In relation to housekeeping, I've decided the following general upkeep items were worthy of my investment.  Having a 2 dog household, my floors will be a tumbleweed-style collection of dog hair within a few days.  Solution?  Upstairs, I have a Roomba vacuum that I start before leaving for work and empty when I get home.  Downstairs, I splurged and got a battery-powered Dyson stick vacuum which I run around after supper each night.  Its easier and quicker than sweeping and it also doubles as a dog-exerciser, as they run to escape the oncoming machine??   Of course, when someone invents a dog vacuuming coat I can put on my constantly shedding lab, I will be buying that as a replacement to either of these options! ;o)

Online bill paying.  This isn't a new time savings change for me, I have utilized this for years now but its definitely worth mentioning here.  It ensures I don't miss payments, I don't waste unnecessary time at my desk/computer, and has a bonus of helping my credit score!

Hy Vee Grocery delivery service... This item?  It has blown my mind!  This was one of those chores that was never convenient for me.  Since I only have kids half-time, I found I was in a constant state of either never having what I needed or having nothing period (unless you count coffee as food, which of course I do... but the kids, not so much.)   With the change to ordering online and getting it delivered, I can coordinate this with meal planning ahead to ensure I have exactly what I need.  And it helps cut down on impulse buys (previous grocery shopping was done at Target, and we all know I can't leave that store without  $100 of items I didn't "need").  Its also allowed Isaac and Bella to sit with me real-time to put in their grocery requests.  They hate going with to the store but they always  complained when I didn't get the right things for them.... Problem solved!  You get to pick your date of delivery and hour window.  I've had delivery within 12 hours of ordering, SNAP!  Best part, if you spend $100, the delivery is free!  And they walk it in right to your kitchen counter, it is AHHHMMMMAAZZZINGGG!!!!  So I always spend enough to get free delivery and then tip the guy the delivery fee ($5).  Its worth EVERY FREAKIN PENNY!

If you have any other awesome tips/tricks for leaning out life, drop me a line!  I'm always on the look out for further efficiency ;o)

Awesome date night with a YOUNGER MAN!!!

Of course... I happened to be related to him... Little details!

Tonight Bella got an impromptu invite for a sleepover and I took advantage of the opportunity to have some one-on-one time with my favorite sophomore boy.  We went out to supper at Taj Mahal and both agreed its been TOO long since we've had yummy Indian food!  Isaac regaled me with school doings and college prep planning and threw in a few barbs about how awesome he is getting at weight lifting.  Unfortunately, this reminded him of an earlier bet on who could could lift more in a single lift competition.  After topping out at 260 lbs squatting this week, I can safely say he's the winner and I had to pay out for pop all night, curses batman!!!

Then a quick drive for dessert at Culvers (thank you free kid scoop coupons!)  We topped off the night at the movie theater, seeing Deadpool.  I found it hilariously irreverent (but probaby inappropriate, so yes I earned a parent bad mark tonight).  I even managed to bribe Isaac for a selfie-with-a-smile-showing-teeth!!! (only cost me 2 hours of extra internet time, parent bad mark 2 tonight, DOH!)

I sure love this young man, it was the best date I've had in months! :o)

My f*ck it list

I read an excellent article the other day that really hit a note.  The premise of the article was the inverse of bucket list items, or to be blunt, the FUCK IT list.  The author detailed out the list of things he wanted to NEVER do again in order to stay authentic to himself and to avoid regrets about his life.  I've included the link to the article, the TedTalk embedded is quite funny as well!  I thought it would be a fun writing exercise to capture my own Fuck it list (man, this is just FUN to say!!!)  I urge you to consider writing your own!

I will NEVER AGAIN: 

• work after midnight.  Its weird how when I have done this in the past, I oddly want to eat whatever is lying around?  I could literally feel myself turning into a Gremlin... And I felt like shit the next two days.  No more.
• feel obligated to buy others gifts on specific days.  I'll buy gifts when I damned well feel like it.  The surprise is half the fun!  However... if you are cute, male, single, at least my age... I'll let you buy ME gifts on specific days ;o)
• watch my weight.  After so many years of battling this, I spent the past 2 years worrying that I'd fall off the bandwagon of good health.  But I think I can say this lesson has been learned and while I occasionally need to course-correct (curse you, tiny christmas cookies), I am content with my level of health and how I look.
• obsess about being 5 minutes late.  With as much as I try to cram into a day, its inevitable I'll be late to things.  I read recently that optimistic people tend to be late as they overestimate how much they can accomplish in their remaining amount of time.  The more I thought on this, the more I realized I now fall squarely into this category.  And quite honestly, I don't want to change.  So instead, I'll let the parties I'm meeting know ahead of time that our start time is a "window with a margin of error" and not stress about it.
• feel guilty about swearing.  I know I swear...  A lot.  However, swearing, for me, is just another set of words.  Ones that contain more emphasis than the standard lot.  And I utilize them as a stress decompression mechanism, letting off steam so I don't internally combust.  I find this is more socially acceptable than punching people and my words are rarely directed towards a person.  So consider this my pre-apology for the remaining curse words you will hear in my company.  Fuck is here to stay.  :oP
• feel guilty about not being perfect ~ a perfect mom, a perfect pet owner, a perfect <insert every other hat I wear>  hmm, there seems to be a lot of self-imposed guilt on this list.  I probably need to talk to my therapist about this?  :o)
• have Tinder one-nighters.  Similar sentiments to bullet 1, enough said.
• save vacation for the right time (this summer, next year, retirement, other).  There is never a right time past today, its the only day you are sure you have.  Don't ever forget that.
• compare my life to someone else's.  Nothing makes me feel crappier than when I do this.  In reality, no one's life is perfect and often its much more imperfect on the inside than we ever get to see.  So I won't dwell in what I don't have.  Instead I'll go create what I want.  

I could write a lot of things I don't ever want to do again...   Now here is to me holding my guns on this list!

Two left feet...

Well its been a long week, TGIF!!!!   Knowing it was going to a stressful February at work, I had the foresight to book a GNO with a girlfriend for this evening.  It was the light at the end of this week's tunnel, a perfect end to my day.  Great company (thank you Sherri!), delicious food down at Batas (who knew blueberries on a burger could taste so scrumdiddlyumptious??) and we finished the evening at CSPC Hall catching The Revelers live in concert!

When I bought the tickets, I had no idea they were so good?!?  Apparently they were nominated for a Grammy this year on their second album, WOOT!  Hey guys, second place at Grammys, but you are still first in my heart!  :o) Their music was a lively blend of Blue Grass, Cajun and Zydeco, which I was unfamilar with, but instantly got me dancing in my seat.   While the music was definitely boogie-worthy and the band invited people to dance, we live in the conservative midwest, so that dance floor  space between stage and audience was barren...

Until about song 4....

Then from the front row arose an elderly couple (easily in their 60s, possibly 70s) who proceeded to dance the REST OF THE NIGHT AWAY!  They were spry and smooth as they sailed around that 10 foot space between the stage and the first row of seats.  You could tell they'd been dancing together for years, it was so fluid it was breathtaking.  I couldn't stop watching them.  It made me realize that I need to augment my Mr. Right  Requirements list.  I want a dance partner, both in life, and on the floor.  He doesn't have to be a great dancer, but he has to have the guts to get up when no one else is and go out on the floor.  I am looking for someone with joie de vivre, joy of living, zest for life.  Someone that matches my level of crazy (and trust me, thats a lot of crazy!)  I'm taking auditions if you have any single dancing-fool friends!!!

After intermission (and some bravery in a bottle of blue moon) I'm happy to report Sherri and I balled up and got up to dance in the second half of the show.  And on my way to the stage, I recruited about 6 other ladies that I had noticed wiggling in their seats during the first half.  By the time that song was halfway through, that 10 foot area had at least 30 people up there dancing and it remained that way the rest of the show.  :o)

Music is meant to be interactive, feel it, BE IT ~ even if you have two left feet!

Interview an Engineer - the real one!

So to allow my son the benefit of an alternative perspective, I told Isaac I wouldn't write my answers down to his engineering interview (even though I had already captured a blog post of my answers).  This allowed him the opportunity to interview an engineer he isn't directly related to and who operates in a different capacity in engineering than I do.

Isaac (with interviewee's blessing) was kind enough to share his final product with me for blog consumption.  To protect the innocent, Isaac went to the effort to redact all references to the individual he interviewed prior to sharing.  I have since replaced all his red <REDACTED> statements with "interviewee" for ease of translation (yes, the smart-assed-ness is strong in this one... I'm quite proud.) ;o)

I found both the engineer's answers and Isaac's compilation of the interview well worth sharing, enjoy!

=======================================

Project Lead the Way

Principles of Engineering

Professional Interview

Isaac Littler

2-7-16

Introduction

This essay is on the interview of a software engineer at an avionics company. Engineering is a broad career field, and specialization is important, and choosing your specialty is a difficult choice. Interviewing current engineers to get an idea as to what their specialization entails can make this choice easier.

There are three parts to this essay. The professional background gives important contextual knowledge of the interviewee. The professional interview restates the questions asked to interviewee and provides interviewee exact answers. Finally, the personal reflection provides a personal assessment of the interview and its importance in consideration of future career paths.

Professional Background

-redacted-

Professional Interview

In this section, the questions asked to interviewee were restated and interviewee exact answers were transcribed. When asked to describe interviewee engineering field, interviewee said,  “I am a software engineer for a supplier of avionics equipment for civil and military aircraft. The software we produce runs the gamut from safety critical flight controls to mission oriented tactical applications. Over the years I’ve worked on the full range.”

Interviewee title is “Principal Software Engineer.” When asked to describe interviewee particular job and duties, interviewee said, “I’ve been working on Internal Research and Development (IR&D) and Science and Technology (S&T) programs for the last few years. On these programs I’ve worked in small teams or individually to develop and integrate prototype software. I’m considered a Subject Matter Expert (SME) in a few areas and as such, I’ve also had to support business development activities like developing demonstration systems, attending trade shows and conferences, and supporting product road map development.”

Interviewee average work schedule in interviewee words is, “My work schedule is pretty flexible. While the “core” hours of our company are 7:30 am to 4:30 pm, I typically work from about 6 -2:30. I adjust my work hours as necessary to accommodate afternoon meetings or errands I need to run. I try to keep my work down to 40 hours a week to be make time for myself and my family. We’ve recently started to become more “connected” at work, but I try not to let work leak over into my home-life. This is easier for me that some since, I am tend to be an individual contributor, meaning that I’m not responsible for any other employees.”

Interviewee was then asked to describe interviewee educational background.  “I attended a class A high school. There were no college placement classes of any interest to me. I took a basic computer science class and math up to algebra. I then attended ISU first just taking general engineering classes, but deciding on Computer Engineering by the end of the first semester. I took no particular specialized track through the program, but did tend to favor Computer Science classes over Electrical Engineer classes. I worked IT during the summer and staffed a computer lab during the year. I graduated in 4 years with no coops or internships.”

Interviewee thoughts on doing anything differently in relation to career or education were “In college, I worked to get out in 4 years and start working. In retrospect it would have probably have been better to take a bit longer, but gain some more perspective. I should have actively tried for coops/internships at schools outside of interviewee, and likely outside of the aerospace industry. The extra experience would have been helpful even if I ended up back in my current position. I also might have considered working somewhere else after graduation for a while, again to find a different perspective. I might also have stayed in school longer and gotten a master’s degree, possibly in Aerospace Engineering. This mostly goes to just wanting more perspective, but I would like to have gotten a master’s in some technical area. I might also have taken a few business classes. I hate that side of my job and try to avoid it, but it is always useful to have a bit more knowledge.”

Interviewee’s advice for someone aiming for a similar career path was “Don’t focus on a particular area too quickly, try to gain a broad background of knowledge. Being able to pull ideas from different areas is always helpful even if you do end up specializing at a later time. Don’t get wound up too much in schedule and budget, take the time to experiment and do things right the first time. It will pay off in the long run. Software you’ve written will never go away and often you won’t be given the opportunity to go back and fix it.”

The next question was if interviewee was happy with chosen career, responded with “Most days. I’ve mostly never been terribly career oriented and tried to steer my career in a particular direction. I just relied on doing good work to advance. This can mean that I end up doing things I wouldn’t prefer, but I imagine that can happen to anyone. I tend to like things best when I’m interested, actively engaged, and learning something from a project. Beyond that and earning a good paycheck I don’t have any particular career goals.”

When asked if interviewee considered the pay satisfactory interviewee said “Yes. I would prefer more base salary and less incentive pay, but that seems to be standard in the industry particular for higher level engineers. I would also prefer some of the benefits we had when I first started 15 years ago, but again reduction in benefits seems to be an industry trend.”

When asked the importance of mathematics in chosen career path, interviewee replied “Honestly most days not very, but every once in awhile I have to implement something with a heavy mathematical component to it and I have to dig out my text books. The wealth of information on Wikipedia and Wolfram Alpha is amazingly useful as well. I’ve been able to look up things in a few days that took me months when I first started. Mostly what I end up dealing with are coordinate system transformations and input filtering. Being a larger company any of the really heavy lifting in that area is usually assigned to the PhDs and analysts. After that the software engineers need to be able to understand what is going on, but we don’t generally have to do the derivations.”

Interviewee response to the question on if there are any personal characteristics that interviewee considers unique to engineering was “I wouldn’t say any particular characteristic is unique to engineering, but individuals having certain sets of characteristics are more likely to do well at engineering. The first characteristic typically cited would be to be detail oriented. With me this means I have the tendency to focus on the minutia of a problem. This is a very important attribute, but you have to be able to balance it with an ability to step back and see the larger system. When you are seeing the larger system you need to be able see connections between portions of a system and visualize how they interact. Creativity is useful, particularly if you are interested in a designer/architect role. However, the scope of the creativity is different than in other professions. Engineers tend to have a more constrained environment in which to operate. This can be from regulator oversight, company procedures, or other constraints.”

Finally, when asked about the stress the workload causes interviewee responded, “Workload is another thing I try not to let get to me. If I’m working hard on something and it isn’t getting done I usually just say it will get done later. That doesn’t always work, and occasionally I do end up with extra hours or sleepless nights, but not often. The most stressful part of my job the last few years has been the uncertainty caused by the churn and lack of clear direction from senior leadership in the areas I’ve been working. It is hard to be enthusiastic or committed to working on something when you know it may not be what you are working on next month or even next week.”

Interviewee added some additional questions and answers that did not seem particularly relevant but will be included for completeness. “What is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail. What is your favorite color? Magenta. What is the ground speed velocity of an unladen swallow? African or European?” It should be noted that interviewee both asked and answered these questions over email.

Personal Reflection

This interview was very helpful for me, as I have always considered going down a similar path to interviewee. Both my parents work for the same company. It is very interesting seeing the similarities and differences between interviewee job/experiences and my parents'. The hours interviewee works was definitely a surprise to me, as both of my parents tend to work more. I feel that the difference in hours can be attributed to difference in career goals, as he aimed for forty hour weeks. Interviewee is less career focused, and not interested in leadership roles. Interviewee’s advice on gaining background knowledge is definitely something I will consider when signing up for classes in college. The interview in general was very encouraging for me. For interviewee to say that for the most part interviewee can keep work and life separate, and not let the workload get to interviewee, is definitely an important factor in deciding on my career in engineering, particularly software engineering. This helps quell one fear of mine, in that I would not be able to do the same in such a demanding field.

Putting my money where my mouth is... literally.

So, my credit card company offers some really nice no-cost benefits that I receive without even asking.  One of the things I love (and hate) is their end of year summary report.  They do a quick catalog of all my spending over the past year and itemize all expenses under specific titles.  Groceries, Automotive, Shopping, Travel, Home Improvement, Restaurants....  While the numbers are intriguing all on their own, where these numbers really get informative is when you compare them to previous year spending...

If you've seen my FB feed this last year, you will not be surprised that my Travel direct expenses grew by $1000 this year.  Indirect costs that are impacted by this are Restaurants, Auto (gas), and Misc (dog kenneling costs & race entrance fees as examples).  So the reality is my travel bug probably cost me an additional $3000 this year.

Another shocker in this data?  My 1st world addiction to coffee shops cost me an additional $800 this year.  Darn that easy-reload feature on the Starbucks app!  GRRR!!!

Its not all bad news though.  It appears my Shopping days have settled out a bit as I saw a reduction in this category of over $1500.  Guess I didn't spend my shoe budget after all?  At this point I'm operating on an item in equals an item out.  This entails that I have to part with item(s) to make room for new item(s) which has turned out to be a pretty effective strategy in containing this spend habit.

Well just a few weeks after I sat down and spent some time evaluating this spend data, I worked on my 2015 taxes.   And I was faced with another very real data point.  My charitable donation spending, while it grew from 2014 to 2015, isn't what I feel is remotely appropriate given my salary.

As a Christian, I've always been under the guidance of offering to God his portion:

Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord your God that he has given you. ~Deuteronomy 16:17

Sunday's sermon reiterated a seed that had already been stirring inside me and my desire to build the "right" house with my resources.  Since my divorce, I had made a plan to work up successively each year to get to tithing level (10%).   With the first year being an adjustment to a single income, there was some perceived financial insecurity.  But if I'm honest with myself, God has significantly blessed me since that event occurred on so many levels, including financially.  

So its time for me to walk the walk and I'll trust that God will provide what I need when I need it.  See you Starbucks, my 2016 money is going to be better spent.

Interview an Engineer day!

Isaac recently got a homework assignment to "interview an engineer".  He doesn't lack for quality candidates in this department, but he was kind enough to start with me.  Of course he tried the tactic where he just forwarded me the email with his list of questions, hoping I'd effectively do all the work for him by typing it up (no discussion necessary).  ;o)  I have had a solid year of teenager on-the-job training though, so I told him we could talk through the questions and I'd consider providing a written response.

We actually had a really lengthy and good discussion during this whole interview that went from the details of an engineering career path all the way to how life choices may drive you to have to make career path changes.   And we discussed how that's okay.  Being flexible to change is one of those core character traits I want both my children to walk into this world with.

Internally processing this conversation later this evening, I thought back on how I wish I had interviewed someone who had an active engineering career to get more details prior to setting off down my randomly selected choice of careers.

So.... In case you have a child looking for some behind-the-scenes insight into an engineering career, here's my written answers to Isaac's questions and some of the advice I gave around the questions:

• What is your specific degree? 
• BS in Electrical Engineering from ISU, with an MBA from U of IA
• Please describe your engineering field.
• While my degree is in electrical engineering, my career at RC has been around software development in the avionics industry. I've learned much (99.999%) of what I need to do my day-to-day work on the job. The degree was merely the piece of paper I bought to illustrate to companies that I could learn to do the job while on the job. :o)
• What is your current job title?
• Technical Project Manager ~ I oversee day-to-day operations on the KC390 platform, with cognizance over roughly 70 engineers.
• Please describe your particular job and duties.
• <apologizing to blog audience if we work together...> Isaac, do you want my candid off-the-record answer about what I do every day?  Off the record, I am a mom at work...  And this program is my kid.  I spend almost all my day ensuring people have executable plans and then holding them accountable if they don't stay on track (kind of similar to the internet limits you have imposed upon you and when you fail to do your portion of the plan I revoke internet).  Some days its very rewarding and other days is excruciatingly frustrating.  I am in a role with no direct authority, so it has required me to grow in my ability to build trusting relationships that I can rely upon when things get tough.  And this all starts with how I lead and how I act.  I cannot expect others to do things that I'm not willing to do myself, so the bar for excellence starts with my own demonstration and expectation of this within myself.  For the on-the-record answer, see previous bullet ;o)
• What is your average work schedule?
• I feel a good plan is built around assuming a standard 40 hour work week (for full time employees).  I would even go so far to say that I would embrace a societal shift from the "full time work week = 40 hours" to something less than that.. 30 hours for starters?  A well-balanced and satisfied employee is significantly more productive than a harried/stressed-out one.  Fingers crossed we as a society come to this conclusion before my kids's kids hit the work force....  But I digress... Often engineering gets to deal with unplanned emergencies, which may drive need to work more than this "40 hr norm" but my basic expectation is this is the exception NOT the rule.  When I took this new role, I knew this would be a huge jump as I got through a big learning curve.  But I was very clear with my leader when I came onboard that I am a single parent with kids half time and that I wanted a life outside of work.  So while I worked an average of 50 hours a week for the first 6 months, once I got my first customer delivery successfully sent, I moved back to 40 hour week.  To be successful in this reduction, I've had to lay in processes and management tracking techniques that are automated or offloaded to others where appropriate.  One benefit of the engineering path is I've been able to make this average work schedule as flexible as I've needed it to be based on life priorities throughout my career.  I would advise you to clearly know your worth.  If you know you are a strong performer, you should know you are worth alternative means of compensation.  Flexible schedule falls into this category.  I have been part time, I've worked a portion of my work week from home, I've been on educational leave of absence.  All of these afforded me to keep my preferred balance on work/home as my needs have shifted through my career.
• Starting with high school, describe your educational background chronologically.
• I graduated from a very small high school (1A) to Linn Mar's 4A.  For perspective, I graduated with 35 kids, Isaac's anticipated class is roughly 500.  There were no relevant AP classes, there was no higher level math classes.  I had a few weeks of Basic programming and a pre-trig math background as my entrance into college.  I picked my major based off some very minimal school counselor assessment testing (I was good at math, I liked board gaming/puzzles) and the fact that one of my best friends was going to ISU in this major.  It looked like it would pay well and I didn't have a strong desire driving me to any other profession.  While in college, I took a semester off for a full time internship with Texas Instruments in TX.  It paid very well, nearly $17/hour (over a decade ago).  It helped me keep my college loans to a minimum and gave me relevant work experience.  The work itself was abysmally boring and did nothing to show me what I was truly capable of.  I went back to school for a semester and then embarked on another internship, this time with Intel in CA.  This was a game changing semester as I ended up getting married and pregnant all within this timeframe.  I finished internship after just 4 months and then quickly back to school to tie off degree.  I had Isaac the week before finals my 2nd to last semester.   Nothing like getting to have your husband bring your infant son to the lab so you can feed him and then get back to working your senior design project....  Flash forward to June and a degree and easy placement at RC as I entered the job market in a boom year for engineering (just a few months short of 9/11).  Another education point, know your value on the open market.  When I interviewed at RC, I already had 5 other offers on the table and I made RC match my highest offer along with providing an excellent relocation package and a job offer for my husband.  All in all, I think this worked out just as good for RC as it did for us.  :o) After a few years (of paying off student loans and getting financially solvent), it was time for kid 2.  I always knew I wanted to spend more time at home when that came around so after Bella was born, I switched to part-time.   After just a few months of this, I recognized I couldn't be happy with the level of parenting I was able to provide versus what I was paying to receive from daycare.  After much tears and ad hoc planning, I proposed a solution to "keep my foot in the door" by going on educational leave to get my MBA in the evening while staying home full-time with my kids during the day.   Fortuitously, during this year off work, my dear friend Lisa became available to be my substitute mom which made my return to workforce when Bella was 1.5 years old tolerable.
• If you could do it over, related to your career or education, would you do anything differently?
• Wow....  I go back and forth on this question regularly.  :o) I think I'm glad I picked engineering as a career field as its afforded me the financial security to pursue so many things (comfortably raising a family being high on that list).  I'm still here now because I haven't found a clear calling driving me to something else but I won't be surprised if when my kids leave the house I migrate to a new profession.  I'd definitely say one thing I feel very confident about now that I'm older is that I no longer make decisions based on money.  Wealthy doesn't equal happy.  I recently read an article talking about the salary amount the average person hits before wealth is no longer a primary driver of happiness.  I think it was about $85k.  And I resonate with that.  I explained to Isaac that I started in the field at over $50k out of college (in 2001).  Given the roles I've chosen to take which involve leadership/higher expectations/higher risk/higher stress, I got an increase in pay.  But I would also note that I have repeatedly wondered if this stress level is worth it over the course of the past year and half.  And unfortunately, my opinion and attitude on this is a roller coaster.  One week I'll feel like I've got it down and I'm rocking this job.  The next week will be like, Oh my god, I'm ready to quit and go work at Starbucks.  What I really need from my job is to work with people I respect, doing things I feel are valuable and afford me the opportunity to keep learning and growing, and at the end of the day feeling appreciated for the hard work I put in.  And for the most part, those elements all exist in my current job.
• What advice would you give to me as someone interested in pursuing a career path similar to yours?
• There is such a wide range of options within any engineering field and within each specific industry.  In my company alone, I'm sure we have probably at least 3+ different types of engineering (electrical/mechanical/computer...)  And within those types of career backgrounds, there is a range of job opportunities.  You can be very technical or you can be more programmatic (like I am now).  To be successful as a company, we need all types.  So if you find one area isn't quite your niche, the advice I'd give is to keep moving.  If you don't feel excited to get up and go to work at least half your week, you should be looking for another seat on the bus.  I'd say this aligns with a try it for a year mentality, but be willing to change if at end of the year you don't feel that 50% drive to stay.  I did NOT take this advice early enough in my career.  Since taking this stance, I feel I've become very liberated and empowered in my career path and all along the only person blocking me was me.
• Are you happy with your career?
• Yes (please note, today was a good day) ;o)
• Do you consider the pay satisfactory?
• Yes, i'm above the happiness threshold listed above ;o)  More importantly, I'm at a point where its not the money that drives me to keep doing what I do.  Its those intangible things that I need to want to keep going to work that keep me in my current position.
• How integral are mathematics to your work?
• honestly? not at all.  I'd like the time to take a class on excel macros/powerpoint and that would probably replace the usefulness of at least 50% of my formal educational training...  For what its worth, in a previous role as a software developer on performance software for helicopters?  My answer would be distinctly different.  I actually needed to understand some basic math.  But more than that, I needed to have really honed my skills for being able to look at something and dig through the details to figure out how I could take a pre-existing block and add in new feature/capability without breaking the existing piece.  As far as chem/physics/calculus go, I have used them rarely if at all in my on the job work.
• What personal characteristics would you consider unique to engineering?
• Pros: detail oriented problem solvers.  Cons: can get lost in the weeds of the details and will often over-engineer the solution or gold plate it (doing more work than needed to meet the customer intent)
• How stressful is the workload?
• My answer depends on the day.  Again, I've noted that at times I've seriously considered quitting engineering altogether.  However I've come to realize some of this feeling is very specific to the role I'm in now.  Its like if you were in the middle of a tornado and it seems kind of calm, but in reality you are in the middle of complete chaos?!?  I feel like when I step out of this role, I will look back and wonder how I was numb to all this insanity while I was in the middle of it...  Or... so THIS is what its like to run a regular program?  The craziest thing I've come to realize is that I actually operate best under extreme duress.  There is a limit to how much of this I can take but I definitely do my best when I feel like I'm under the gun.  Maybe this is why I tend to procrastinate? ;o)

Remove foot from mouth!

So do you ever have an interaction with someone where you walk away and still hours later you are thinking to yourself, "I want to rewind and redo that entire encounter"?

I had this occur at work today.  I've got a functional area that has had a history of performance problems and I am now hyper-sensitive to any indication that it might be off track again.  I participated in two meetings with this team on two different aspects of management.  The meeting in the morning did not fare well at all and drove my trouble-dar (like a radar for trouble... yes, this should be a real word!) into high alert.  By the time we regrouped for the second topic this afternoon, I was on the cliff to over-reacting and raring/ready to jump.  I set a tone in that meeting that was overly aggressive/attacking, which did nothing for facilitating a successful resolution to the issue.

By about 9pm tonight, I'm still stewing on this and have finally calmed enough to try to see what I'm doing to contribute to this problem.  I asked a trusted friend about the interaction and he was kind enough to tell me the truth.  I DID in fact over-react.  He reminded me that the lead of this area is new to the job and has probably not had the good fortune to have great mentoring as he stepped into this high visibility/high stress position.   He also passed on this sage tip that he'd gotten from my good old friend Bob Chiusano, "a true leader does their best to make the weakest link successful".

I was definitely not a leader today.

Action 1 tomorrow morning?  Call that lead and apologize.

Action 2:  Offer that lead the option to get some mentoring with me.  I may not know the technical details of the job but I have been a lead for the last decade at Rockwell and have learned a lot of "what not to do" by experience.

Action 3: Contact my other weakest links and reach out to understand what I can do to help them.  My goal will be to message this as a question rather than a demand (which I'm sure you are not shocked to know is hard for me).  How the message is delivered is essential in convincing the recipients to accept the help.  ;o)

Superwoman I am NOT! Mario Andretti? I might be...

Ohhh how awesome is that first day back from 4 day vacation (dripping in sarcasm here!)

Of course today would also be the completely inconveniently scheduled date my daughter was to audition for her chair spot at the Metro Honor Orchestra.  Lo and behold, we were the lucky recipients of slot #3, aligning with 3:36 pm at a school I've never been to and which is (per google maps) approximately 15 min from her school.   For perspective, on a regular work day, I usually work till 4:30 or 5 and am often in meetings clear till the end of my day.  Sadly, even though I cut my meeting off short and left more work to resolve when I get back tomorrow, I STILL arrived late to pick up Bella from her school.  And while she told me she had to be 15 min early to the tryout, I figured they had only said that to ensure parents were at least on time.   BUT NO... there was a checklist of items each attendee was supposed to do in those 15 pre-tryout minutes which I found out about ENROUTE to the event.

 FFFFFFUUUCCCKKKKKKK....

So....

Speeding every bit of the way and cornering on just 2 wheels (sorry if I rode your ass on C Ave, you should at least go speed limit in left lane!!!), lets say I actually got to building at 3:36 (it was pretty damned close).  I told girl at the check-in desk that we were late and she shrugged it off and told us to go ahead and warm up and then head back to audition when we were ready, which we did.  I refused to let Bella go in without at least practicing the few bars through once.  Alas, I didn't make sure she got tuned as the place was pretty much chaos with 40+ kids warming up all over the area and not a lot of direction to be had.

We arrived to audition room 8 minutes late.  She was in audition room for 1 minute tops.  She comes out and says she's done.  Then she proceeds to choke back tears while putting her instrument away.  So I am trying to figure out what besides my stressed-out-ness is driving her mood.  It comes out that she feels her orchestra teacher is disappointed in her for being late and not tuned and she feels like she didn't do her best.  By this time, I am BEYOND LIVID.  As in seeing red.  As in wanting to march back into that room telling them where they can shove their perfectly tuned cellos that get off work at 3 fucking 30 in the afternoon.

<deep breath>

Why?  Why why why why?  Why did I let myself be tied into someone else's completely unrealistic expectations?  In hind site, I should have emailed teacher as soon as I got the time notification and let them know that it would not work/request reschedule.  On a broader note, I wish the school system would operate around the reality that the majority of homes have either single or dual parents working full time and that pickup/appointment times before 4 drive schedule coordination challenges.

Maybe I don't have the correct prioritization of work/home figured out, does anyone ever get this figured out?  I know I sure am getting tired of having to make these calls to choose between the two.

I'm now headed to go soak in the tub in an attempt to detox from this stressful debacle, hoping that when Bella comes out of her room she recognizes that even though her mom isn't Superwoman, she's trying her very best.