Car talk

One of the surprise benefits of my tiny house location is that I'm no longer within my kids' school district boundary.  An obvious pro is the reduction in property taxes I'm paying based on location and size of my house (taxes reduced by half!!)

One of the original cons appeared to be the additional coordination needed to get Bella to and from her daily activities.  Since Isaac can drive and has a car, he is pretty self-sufficient (although not super excited about me incorporating him into my plans for logistics involving sister transport).  This has in fact turned out to be one of the biggest perks.  It allows me dedicated time with my daughter twice a day in the car as we commute together to and from school/work.  I have found car riding to be the best location for talking about some of the really hard things that are on your teenager's mind.  Sometimes Bella says nothing the whole ride (usually most mornings :o) )  But other times, like a few weeks ago, she will tell me about a something that someone said or did at school that affords me an opportunity to shine a little of my almost 40 years of perspective on the subject.

The topic that arose this time was all about career paths.  Bella told me how her friend wants to be a software coder because she wants her kids to not have to want for anything and to have the great upbringing she experienced.  And oh, as an afterthought, she likes coding.

Bella: "Mom, how do people ever really know what to pick?"

Me: <deep sigh>  "wow... thats a really hard question.  I know you've heard this before, heck nearly every inspirational quote out there revolves around this.   You need to do what you love.  God planted a seed inside you and its your job to figure out what it is and harvest it.  But the reason there are lots of quotes out there to remind us to do this is because its a really hard thing to do.  Some people never find it and others never even try to look.

The reality is I made the same decision as your friend did.   I picked something I showed a talent for as I didn't feel a specific calling when I was only 17.  I've spent a lifetime of introspection getting to know myself enough to be able to shape my career.  So when you finally know/figure it out?  You have to act.   And that's actually even harder.  Because it may mean you have to give up a lifestyle you've become accustomed to, and there are a lot of unknowns and those constant thoughts of "am I chasing something where I think the grass is greener on the other side, when in reality it isn't even grass over there but a field full of rocks?"

To compound this all, as a woman, you will feel societal pressure to be the best at everything.  The best wife, friend, daughter, mother, worker...  Wonder Woman.  But you have to fight that list of roles and make sure you are, at the end of the day, the best YOU.  The YOU that God planted the seed for.  Your natural instinct when you become a mother is to throw your everything at it.  If you choose the path of motherhood, it is the most important job you will have, being the shadow of leadership that realtime shapes the next generation.  But the axiom of installing your own oxygen mask first is a great visualization of what can happen when you take this everybody else first approach.  You starve out yourself and become a shell of the mother you could have been if you had put yourself at the top of this list.  That's a lot of the why behind my latest career choice.  I wanted to be around more for you and for Isaac in this short time we have left together.  And I recognized I haven't had my oxygen mask on for a while and need to take some deep breaths.

The good news?  Careers?  They aren't black and white.  They aren't set in stone.  You can change it, its a choice.  If you can see everything in life as an opportunity to learn and grow, and bring a willingness to embrace change?  You are going to end up at the end of your life having had a pretty fulfilling journey.  And thats about all we can ask for in this blink that we get.

Hmm this was a pretty deep discussion for the car... "

Which is why we then headed into the house to watch the Grinch.  :o)

Baby gifts, a door to magic

A good friend is expecting her first baby in a few short weeks.  This is one of those ultimate life experiences that brings an incredible array of emotions, highlighted by joy and excitement.  And of course, its a wonderful excuse for me, as a person far outside the baby stages of life myself, to have the glowing opportunity to browse and shop for an adorably cute, sometimes impractical gift.

The mom in me rarely succumbs completely to impractical gifting, although I do like to throw that in on top too because really, aren't baby shoes ADORABLE?  If I opt to get clothing, I usually try to buy something that is at least 6 months to a year out, because I remember that while I had an outpouring of newborn-to-3 month clothes with my first child, the reality is if those clothes get you to 3 months, you are very fortunate!   And odds are your kid needs to continue to be clothed after 3 months....  Just sayin'.

This particular friend had decided to not find out baby's gender, which is an extra level of fun.  This can make going with my smart/practical future sized clothing a challenge.  Because guess what?  6 months to a year?  You RARELY will find unisex clothing.  

So I'm wracking my brain for other gift ideas, even went so far as to ask my friend if the nursery had a theme, thinking maybe I'd get something to go w/nursery (blanket/stuffed animal etc).  Focused theme there was not...  Pooh... what next?

I thought back to when I was expecting with Isaac, whom we didn't find out gender for.  I thought back on the array of wonderful gifts we had received before his arrival and it hit me...   The most thoughtful and unexpected gift we received came from an aunt of Ryan's that I had never met in person.  I happened to get home one day from class to find a shipping box.  When I opened that box, there was a card that explained contents.  Inside this ordinary brown box was the extraordinary.  There were 20 children's books, which the aunt described as copies of her children's favorites when they were younger and her fervent wish to share them with my child as we started this journey of life together.  

WOW.  

It was the start of Isaac's library and it was the start of my dedication as a mother to ensure both of my children were strong readers.  I know the power of reading.   It can transport you, it can grow you, it can enlighten you.   In short, it was the perfect solution and precisely what I ended up getting my friend and her soon-to-be newborn.

Once you learn to read, you'll be forever free.  ~ Fredrick Douglas

And you know what else I've decided?  This is my NEW gift plan for all baby gifts.  Its the ideal blend of practical and magical which is precisely what a baby gift should be.

No, I'm not here for that.

I'm gonna share a blip from my day today.   This is a story of awareness, not an intent to single anyone out.  This kind of thing happens ALL the time and I can attest to personally laughing it off or ignoring it or not even registering it on countless occasions before.

But that isn't where I am today - as a woman, as a human.  And I don't think its what we need as a society TODAY.  So I'm sharing this story because I have had enough.   I'm on a mission to live as authentically as I can and that really means "when I see something, I say something".  When we don't speak up, we become part of the problem.

I had a work meeting this afternoon to discuss some training efforts and how we can make them better.  I got to the meeting room about 5 minutes after meeting start time because I was coming from another building and there was no travel time accounted for in our never-ending supply of meetings in a day.

When I arrived, there were 6 gentlemen in the room.  Demographics - all white males with one over 50 and the rest in their early/mid thirties.  They had been chatting, and within a few minutes of me arriving and sitting down, the elder gentleman looks directly to me and asks if I can launch the meeting.  It takes me a second to register, but he is asking me to start up the google hangout so the folks that are remote can participate.

I instantly start to log in, while my subconscious is furiously behind the scenes processing.  I can't tell you for sure it was an unconscious bias moment on this person's part, but what I can tell you is when it "hit me", I said something to the effect of the following:

Me: "Sure, I can launch the meeting, but aren't there several capable men here that could have launched this?"  Aka, before I arrived when the meeting had officially started?

So I'm working to get the meeting launched and of course we are in one of those excellent conference rooms that has like 15 inputs to the projector and someone always invariably fucks around with the cords and doesn't return it to useable state.

Me: "I don't suppose anyone knows the right inputs to select here?"

Room: "Oh?  You need one of these 6 competent males to help you get things started?"

Me (restraining the desire to go bat shit crazy): "Nope.  Do we even need the projector?  If not, I'll just go over to the computer and dial in from there"

2 minutes later, we are dialed in and proceed to have a very effective meeting.

THIS was the thing that niggled in my brain on my ride home from work.  I had completely forgotten about it until I had that quiet time to think about my day.  And this was the burning thing that rose to the top that needed post-processing.  And its why I'm writing this now...

In hind site, maybe my initial comment wasn't the right flavor of joking to point out the biased behavior.  But I think reality is there is NO great way to call this stuff out.  I don't think this person was intentionally trying to slight me in any way.  And the reality is all of the younger guys in that room I consider friends and have built great working relationships with and have an incredible deal of respect for (and still do).

But, I saw something, and now I'm saying something.  I'm not here to be the meeting launcher.  I will fill that role as necessary, but I will not be the default answer for filling that role. 

Spread awareness.  Be part of the change to make us all better.

Leaning out from the table, room to breathe

WHEWWWWW...

This has been a hell of a ride!!!!  4 short years ago, my life was completely flipped on its head by divorce.   I spent a solid 6 months recovering myself enough to be a functioning adult and parent again.  I then recognized my near-term goals were the following:

1) minimize the impact of the divorce on my kids,
2) re-engage at work or find employment that I was passionate about.

These 2 goals guided me into the career fast-track.  I had an "interview" for a TPM position, where I asked for the hardest program they could find.  This landed me with a gig as TPM for the Embraer KC390 Avionics development, which put my learning curve into overdrive.  I can easily say this assignment was hands-down the most challenging and biggest growth experience of my career to-date.  As a technical project manager, your job is to "be glue".  You work magic coordinating/leading 120 people and ensure everything comes together smoothly to meet customer deliveries.  What this really means is your job is composed of meetings from 7-5pm every day holding people accountable to their programmatic commitments in a way that isn't overbearing (and sometimes requires night/weekend support to work slide decks for upper level leadership so they are aware of how things are going).  Sounds easy doesn't it?  :o)  I supported this program for 2 years, and honestly I was nearing burnout when another "opportunity" arose. 

An opening became available for a department leader position within my organization.  And you know what?  Given my awareness that I was nearing burnout, I wasn't even going to apply.  But I had several folks reach out to me to ask why I hadn't applied.  And then I went to a girls night out with a group of ladies in all stages of their careers.  It included women that were trying to break into this level of leadership and women that had turned down the opportunity when it arose and never got the chance again...  The next day, I applied for the position.  Flash forward a month and I got a call enroute home from our family vacation to Montana.  I pulled over at a rest stop to have a small freak-out moment and with both excitement and trepidation, I accepted the role.

Where the TPM role was constant fire-fighting high stress, the department leader role is a constant slow burn that never turns off.  The reality is when you are a leader, you are ALWAYS a leader, ALL the time.  This can be a draining experience.  What I didn't account for is the impact this very large role would have outside work.  Over the past few months it has become very apparent to me that, given my life phase, this role isn't the right fit for my work/life balance.  Where my originating 2 guiding principles were focused around my kids and myself, this role wasn't filling either of those needs.  In fact, Bella, on more than one occasion in the past few months has mentioned comments like, " Mom, you're always mad."  Or "You seem really stressed out".

Sigh. From the mouth of babes.

So... What to do?  I've worked at RC for almost 17 years and because RC has always worked with me over my career to adjust as needed for work-life balance, I have remained very loyal to them as an employer.  This circumstance seemed like no exception.  So I drafted a quick plan, in which I pitched a role that I felt I could still add value to the organization while I got some needed breathing space.

And you know what?  My employer said yes. :o) 

So starting in January, I'll be going part-time, as the focal for training for all of GS engineering.  Granted, this isn't a "small" job.  But it IS a job I am incredibly passionate about.  So its time to slow down a bit, focus on my own engagement and life balance.  And 4 years from now when my kids are off to school?  Watch out!  I'll be coming back in full Chrissy glory!

Blessings in disguise

This isn't my story... And yet it is.

My parents have experienced a lot of churn this past year.  It all started early summer last year when my mom, a 27 year veteran at her job, was unceremoniously fired.  This incident shook me to my core, that someone could be discarded so heartlessly.   It felt like the wind was knocked out of me, leaving a mark even stronger than that left by my divorce.  For any one that has followed this blog, that was pivotally life changing for me.  This incident made me question a lot of things about life...  How should I invest my time with the knowledge that even if you are doing the right things, bad shit still happens?

It was hard on my parents too.  Its one thing to be tracking to retirement in a few years and another to abruptly have your career cut short.  This all happened just a few months prior to me taking on my current position as a department leader at work and my sister had just stepped into her first management role.  With my mom unemployed, she quickly became a life line for us.  She became a replacement mom in both our respective households, as Candy and I worked to learn new and challenging roles at work.  It was not unheard of for my mom to be staying over for a week at a time this past year.

Then I did my house downsizing over Christmas and of course my parents were right there in the middle helping me through that crazy change. 

In January, I happened to walk by the living room window and saw the for sale sign down the street.  If this wasn't an act of God, I don't know what one looks like...  My parents moved in down the street in March.  :o)  Mom continued to fill voids for us, as demanding jobs pulled us away from home, but now she no longer had to commute 2 hours one way to help.  And now Isaac can walk 5 houses down the street for the pop and treats she always keeps for him, because his mean mom won't buy that crap... SPOILER. :o)

This September?  My mom got a new job.  :o)  She works for my company, as an engineering project assistant.  This is an essential but under appreciated role, these folks do all the crappy work engineers don't want to do.  I knew that when she interviewed and I tried to explain it to her, but she didn't care.  And you know what?  Hearing her come home every night that first month, telling me how much she loved being back to work was a gift of perspective.  She opened my eyes to see the blessings I have right in front of me.  My job is hard and sometimes it can feel unrewarding.  But I have a good job.  It pays really well.  I get to work with great people, doing challenging things. 

Mom, thanks for helping me remember my blessings.  Thank you for carrying me through this past year.  And thank God for sending you the blessing of getting fired.  It was our blessing in disguise.

Music, soothe my savage soul

I've long had a passion for music, starting with learning the clarinet in 5th grade.  I've also tried trombone (jr high jazz band failed experiment), baritone sax, which is one whole octave similar to clarinet (a more successful high school jazz band experiment), and as an adult I even took piano lessons (thanks Kurt, best piano teacher ever!)  While I'm not terribly good in practice, I certainly worked to inspire a similar love for this art form in my children.  Isaac is proficient at the baritone and took several years of piano, although I'm sure he claims ability in neither.

Bella is definitely our resident house musician, with a focus on piano and cello.  I've noticed as she has become steadily better at her craft, my own musical choices have drifted to classical music as a go-to when we travel in the car together.  I also tend to switch to classical when I need to do some focused work, as there are no lyrics distracting me and the music tends to put my brain on "alert".

I actually think that lots of people say they hate classical music, without having really listened to it.  The reality is if you have watched a good movie, your emotional response has been subtly influenced by the movie's soundtrack and most movies will feature some classical music in their score.  There are many benefits associated with listening to classical music, here's just a few:

• Decreases Stress
• Improves Memory
• Fights Depression
• Puts you to sleep, in a good way :o)

So why don't more folks listen to classical music?  I think part of this is because its a daunting category to open up, like drinking fine wine.  Where to even start?  Well, just like wine drinking, everyone's palate is unique to them, so you kind of just need to jump in and try some!  A low cost method of entrance is listening to your local classical station on the radio.  I find commuting times to often carry the kinds of music I most like to listen to.  Another idea is to check out a compilation CD from your local library (yep, had to get a library pitch in here!)  If you want to step up your game and really experience the music, I recommend attending a live performance (Brucemore anyone??)  

Here's a few of my all-time favorites that you can access with a mouse click if you are ready to dip your toes into classical! 

• Gymnopedie by Erik Satie ~ I first heard this on HBO classical baby DVDs that I got for my kids and its been a favorite of mine for 15 years now!
• Clair de lune by Debussy ~ this was THE song I learned to play piano for...  I still suck at playing it, but I have never stopped loving listening to it, even when I miss half the notes!
• Barcarolle by Offenbach ~ the life is beautiful soundtrack is amazing, but this song and this breathtaking duet is why I bought the cd.
• Flower Duet by Delibes ~ I confess, I have a thing for women duets...  Plus, these women look fiercely beautiful, which matches their powerful voices.  Listen at least through the chorus which starts at minute 1:20, I'm sure you've heard this song before!  And those notes around minute 2 pierce my heart!
• Largo, New World Symphony by Dvorak ~ another one I fell in love with courtesy of my Kurt Buhr piano lessons.  We used this song as a study in emotion and the importance of dynamics when playing.  He asked me what I thought of when I heard this song to help me shape how to tell the story through my fingers.  I thought of a new dawn on a crisp fall day, a wide open meadow overlooking a beautiful landscape.  So I found it interesting the score was composed while Dvorak was visiting the US, influenced by Native American and African music.

Feel free to share some of your favorites as a comment for others to try!

Bag it up!

Alrighty, I've been so seriously lately on blog posts, I think its time for a lighter one.  :o)  

I am an avid reader and focus most of my limited reading time on books, but my guilty secret read is InStyle magazine.  They used to have an article called "whats in my bag" where you got to take a peek inside a celebrity's purse.  I always found it interesting what was in these ladies' bags and similar to the my coffee table, I think contents of a purse says a lot about a woman.  So here's a sneak peek inside my sweet hobo bag (a big splurge present to myself post-divorce that I still am in love with!)

• Travel wallet - yep, keeping it at my fingertips as reminder and inspiration of the trips to come
• Water bottle - I'm an aqua fiend!  Even better that its Alice in Wonderland themed :o)
• Sunglasses and multiple sunscreens - this girl likes her outdoors time, but screw you skin cancer!
• 5+ lipsticks/chapsticks - hmm, seems i've got a problem here, could probably drop a pound out of this bag by offloading some?  
• makeup bag - for when bella is rushing me out the door and i have to do makeup in car before heading into work
• goodwill receipt - I'm a big fan of recycling my unwanteds for a good cause (and a tax donation!)
• gum/tums/zicam/ibuprophen/bandaids - bare essentials med kit
• Protein chocolate peanut butter - low carb deliciousness, for an emergency breakfast or snack
• Library book - knowledge is power, READ!

So ladies, what's in YOUR purse?

Perfection, round 2

I watched this awesome TED talk by Reshma Saujani on teaching our girls to be brave, not perfect and it reminded me of an incident I recently experienced with Bella that speaks to the very heart of this issue.

Bella has really stepped up her athletic game this year, making that very brave leap into competitive sports with club soccer.  But of course, that wasn't enough on her plate (which already has piano and cello as extra-curriculars).  She decided she'd throw school soccer on top of all this mix.  This equates to 3x week 1.5 hour club practices along with 5x week 1.5 hour practices for school.  By the second full week of school, shit was hitting the fan.  We had several nights in a row where Bella was up late to finish homework, tears and anxiety level sky high.  I had to do a lot of talking Bella off the cliff of wanting to quit EVERYTHING.

By the third week, she was doing better and had established a battle rhythm where she utilized some study hall time during school to address a majority of the homework.

We happened to be sitting down watching tv together one of these evenings, with Bella working homework in conjunction to tv watching.  She asked me for help on a few Algebra problems.  I quickly realized she kept giving me a separate sheet to help her on from the sheet she was recording her homework answers on.  I asked her what she was doing.  "I'm keeping the paper clean".

Turns out Bella spends a lot of time recopying her work because she likes the product she turns in to be flawless, perfect.  As in, 4 hours later and no sleep kind of perfect...   SIGH.

We had a lengthy discussion about how learning is a journey and its not the answer that matters as much as the things you discover along the way that are important.  By showing your full work, you illustrate both to yourself and to your teacher you comprehend the actual process, not just getting an answer.   If you have an error in something you have fully detailed out, people helping you can quickly see and course correct before a little problem becomes a big problem.

In conjunction with these talks, I'm seriously considering rationing paper and getting rid of erasers in this house.

:o)

Crybaby

I had the "opportunity" a few years back in my career to perform a loan-out leadership role for an organization that was building a product for one of our avionics platforms.  The team was behind schedule and over budget so they wanted to put a lead on it that understood earned value and could embed with the team to ensure our interests were being met.  Sounds like a fun job, doesn't it?  It was like being a spy without the gee-wiz-bang gadgetry that comes along with it.

I had been in this role probably about 10 months and we were fast approaching a very major and very known deadline.  The structure of the organization was such that the systems people were all in one dedicated team, while the team I was leading was on another.  Of course, in software development, systems people are kind of an essential part to getting anything done as these are the folks that write the requirements that the software people develop.

As we approached this big deadline, there was a one critical artifact I needed a systems person to review/sign off on.  After multiple attempts through the manager to get someone to support and getting nothing but delays and reroutes, I finally just decided to walk down the row to the 8th cube away from mine and ask the systems guy directly if he could find time to help me with the task.  He said he would and I thought nothing of it and went back to my work.

The next day, the same systems manager who never made time to get me an answer or provide timely support called me into his office.  The meeting started off with pleasantries for about 10 minutes and then I got "educated" on how things are done in that organization.   I was told to not ever go directly to anyone on his staff again but that all requests should route through him going forward.  This was then followed by some further "mentoring" to coach me on my career journey.   He ended the meeting with giving me a sucker, and on the side of the sucker was the following statement, "Doing our best with every request."

I walked out of his office and down the hall 50 feet to my cube, where I fumbled around to find my purse and I walked out, tears already starting.  I was so incredibly furious, it took every iota of willpower I had not to go right back in and punch him in his condesending face.

This is the one and only time I've ever cried at work.

When I calmed down enough to breathe again, I called my boss and let him know I was done with this loan-out assignment if he wanted me to keep working at Rockwell.  Within the month I'd moved back to a leadership position in my own organization.

You know what I did with that sucker?  I taped it to a sticky note that reads the following: "Practice what you preach."

This sticky note has moved with me through 5 different roles and an equal number of offices since this incident.  You know what I do EVERY time I move and unpack?  I post this sticky note up somewhere I can easily see it and remember.

#lightthefire #makeitbetter #rightkindofleader

Coffee table confessions

I happen to think what a person's personal space looks like can reveal a lot about a person.  The things we collect around us, that we allow to take up physical and emotional real estate, can show a lot of our inner selves.

I know I have key zones in my house where I "collect" stuff.  These are those things that I drop at the end of a long day of work with intent to spend more time on later.  Things I buy at the beginning of an ambitious weekend that I will some day get around to doing.  Bits/bobbles from projects I've finished that I think "just maybe" I'll need this little bit again some day.

My coffee table?  Its definitely one of my zones.  It tends to be an amalgamation of all the things I want to learn or am in middle of doing.  When I can no longer see the tv on the other side is usually an indication I've gotten too ambitious and need to do some editing to match reality.  This really just means my inspirational books tend to either get filed onto bookshelf to read at later date or go back to library, hopefully before I've garnered a fine!

So here's my coffee table today:

And here is what my coffee table is saying about me (besides that I need to clean the fingerprints off this glass coffee table).  

InStyle - this girl likes her fashion and this magazine is my "guilty pleasure" read.  Life must be going well (I've been using a lot of vacation?) as I'm actually all caught up on back issues.  This is Sept 2017 issue, woowho!!!

Tiny Houses/Recycled Materials - some day, my real tiny house is coming some day and if I am still ambitious enough, I plan to build it myself (or maybe with dad's help??)  This book represents my strong desire to live on less, steward of the earth goal I've been growing towards as I get older.  I've also signed up for Linn County Solar Panel evaluation to see if I can make the business case to myself for the group buy.

Welding - I'm working to cross something off my 40 by 40 list, welding and making my own lawn art is gonna be that THING this fall!  Now that I've gotten the backyard all fenced in, its time to get it spruced up into my very own secret garden!

Wonder Women - I have had this book since I saw Debora Spar present at the Iowa Women's Leadership Convention 2 years ago.  I haven't gotten very far in here but it recently moved to the front of my queue as I needed some work-wise inspiration recently.  The other book that I added to my goodreads list based on 2 different recommendations? The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck.  Catchy title, I'll let you know if its any good!

Cribbage board - a reminder of how fortunate I am to have family nearby.  Playing cards with my dad has become an almost nightly tradition (although if I keep winning, we might be done??)  I love games and competition, but I mostly love those things for the comradery I get when participating.

What does your coffee table say about you?

Keep being you

Feeling valued and appreciated for what you do every day matters.  In fact, I was just reading an interesting article where Google noted that the key to great teamwork is actually.... Being nice.  By creating an environment where people feel psychologically safe, we give people the opportunity to share ideas and their best selves without fear of humiliation or retribution.

Part of driving that safe culture is promotion of kindness and respect, and it starts with acknowledging each other's successes.  And its equally as important to give that feedback to our leaders, who don't get the satisfaction of completion of discrete tasks to keep them energized.  Most leaders only ever hear the bad feedback.  Often times this is received from both ends, leaders above flowing bad down and direct reports pushing bad up.  This is one of the reasons that when I mentor someone and they are on the fence about leading people, I always encourage them to take the jump.  At best, its a great match and they find a passion that is very different than leading engineering projects.  At worst, that person walks away with a new view of what it takes to fill a leadership role and maybe has a little more empathy for the folks still willing to serve the organization in this capacity.

In trying to drive this sense of teaming in my own department, I recently held a team poster contest.  Rules were simple, each team had to include all the team, not use digital imaging and got $20 to spend on props.  The team that I deemed "most creative" won pie at their next team meeting as a prize and my plan was to get a poster made of each picture and hung outside the team manager's door.  I honestly was very unsure how this was going to go over and was worried that participation would be limited.

When the contest end date rolled around, I was dumbfounded by the 5 teams' results.  Every group participated.  There was such clear hard work illustrated that in the end, I picked EVERY team to win the prize and ultimately made a "category" each team won under.  Here's the email I sent out to the department (photo modified to protect the innocent!)

"Precision Strike Department,

first off, let me say I hold a pretty high bar for costumed/themed contests.  I was also a little skeptical of the group's willingness to participate in something that was probably a little uncomfortable.  So I was very excited to see the level of creativity you all brought to bear on what was intended to be a fun teaming experience!  I've given this a lot of thought over the weekend and since I feel there was pretty significant participation all around, each team will win pie/dessert of choice as part of your next team meeting.  L5s, please work with Jenny to coordinate the treats and printouts of your team poster!

And here are the AWARD CATEGORY WINS by team, in no specific order.  

Best Manual Construction, literally...  - CT3, CASE for change, building our next generation of Tool Awesomeness

Creepiest/Most Realistic Award, I will have nightmares about this! - Strategic, The Walking Dead

Best Usage of Team Hidden Talents Award, aka "the rulebreakers" ;o) - Fighter/Vision Systems, Caricatures <assuming caricatures are far enough off real image, i left the faces here and just removed names; if you can recognize any of these folks and are NOT a RC person OR married to one, you ALSO win a prize!>

Best Sports - RMS, Keeping it Linked!

<Picture lost continuity with the blurred out faces, so unfortunately no pic to show here>

Best Single Prop, thanks for plane usage! - Trainer/UAS, The Aviators

I belatedly thought to share the poster results with my leader.  Within minutes of me forwarding the results email, I got a hangout from my boss telling me the following: "This is the thing that made my day today.  What a great idea.  Keep being you."

Hearing that makes the hard days worth it.

Words I hate....

"I'm not good at math."

This sentence makes me cringe just writing it.  Especially when those words have been uttered, on more than one occasion, by a 12 year old girl who lives in my house.  For background context, this girl has grown up with 2 engineering parents.  She has also gone to one of the top public school systems in the district, in a state that is renowned for its educational program.

This girl has skipped a grade.

This girl participates in the Talented and Gifted program at her school.

Is this girl bad at math?

Let's examine some hard stats here to test this theory.  I give you her Spring Semester Iowa Assessments test results:

 Her national grade equivalent = 13+.  For reference, she is going into 8th grade this fall.

Percentile rank =  91%.  Last time I checked, this was an A in school terms.

Proficiency Indicator = Advanced.  Thesaurus.com defines Advanced to mean "ahead or far or further along in progress, complexity, knowledge."

Hmm...  Ok, well maybe that's not enough stats to paint the picture of reality.  Lets look at her report card for end of 7th grade.

My original slant on this blog was to rail against a society that teaches women they aren't good at math, because I can guarantee you this ISN'T the message my daughter gets at home.  And every time she mentions this statement, I ask her why she thinks this is true and then point to some of these black and white metrics to try to help counter her skewed internal beliefs.

It wasn't until I was looking at her report card again tonight as I sat down to write this post that the light bulb went on.

Do you see it?

She thinks she is "bad" at math because she didn't get the "+".  She wasn't perfect.

And you know what?

I own responsibility for that.  Because day in and day out, its what I've strived to be.  And that shadow I cast as I strive to reach my full potential?  It is setting an unrealistic bar for my daughter that I never intended.

And ironically, this is exactly the growing pain I'm going through myself in my current role at work.  I'm constantly comparing myself to my peers and feeling subpar.   I'm quick to give others grace to stretch and learn and grow through failures, but I do not allow this for myself.  

This great article illustrated some positive steps to help children/teens learn to deal with the desire for perfectionism.  I am definitely going to put a focus on this for Bella and I'll be starting with working to retrain myself.  My focus is gonna be striving to find acceptance in a “good enough” job.  An A in math?  That's GOOD ENOUGH.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." (Robert Kennedy)

Light a fire, pledge to our daughters

At work last week, I got the opportunity to sit in a training class as preparation for being a facilitator of the course this week.  The class is geared toward educating leaders on the full process of what we do at RC, from before the pursuit through execution and closure of a program.  The class itself is PHENOMENAL, its by far the best course I've ever participated in at RC and was something that I've been looking for to help ME understand the bigger picture that I'd been lacking for... 15 years now!?!

But you know what I noticed sitting in that class full of both our up-and-coming as well as seasoned leaders?  In a 30+ participant room, there was not a single woman represented in the program  management or engineering chains.  The only 2 women that fell into this category?  The Senior director of program management who was the moderator of the course and myself (training to be a trainer).

WTF??  Like seriously... WTF?  WHERE ARE MY LADIES AT??

It was such a distinct observation, I sent the senior director a hangout asking this exact question.  The depressing response I got?  "This is what all the classes look like."   So I leaned over to my peer department manager male colleague sitting next to me and asked him, "What don't you see in this room?"  He did a quick scan, and he instantly called it.  No Women.   A roster of 30+ people, and not a single woman engineer.    Then we both did a quick comparison of our respective departments.  We are both similarly sized at about 85-90 people.  I could think of 6 people in my department that are women (including me), he could think of 5.

Do not sit here and tell me we've addressed gender diversity.  I live this every day.  We haven't.  Are we farther than we where we were 100 years ago?  Yes.  But we are not nearly as far as we should be in this day and age of enlightenment.

One of the core tenants we teach in this training class is, "if you see something, say something".    Have the conversation that needs to be had.  Acknowledge that men and women have very different perspectives and that by bringing them BOTH to the table, we all gain for it.    Not to mention the very real fact that as boomers retire, we are starving for talent to feed our nation's engineering needs.  With women graduating at a rate higher than men, this is a key source for bridging that very real technical gap that we as a country cannot afford to lose.

How do we fix this problem?  As much as I want the grass roots method to be enough, it is NOT.  This starts at the top.  With 1% of fortune 500 companies led by women, its time to engage men.   They are the shadow of leadership that exists today and without their active involvement, we will not achieve our potential.  Jeff Tobias' video on Male Engagement is 14 minutes long and I urge every one of you fathers out there to watch this.  You owe it to your wife.  Your mother. Your sister.  Your daughter.  Your son. And then take a stand and make a pledge.  Your daughter is not worth 80% of your son.

Light the fire, be the change.

Life lessons from a hermit crab

Last week, Bella got an invite from a friend to join her on a trip to her grandparents house for a 4 day visit.  About a day into the trip, I get a text while at work.

Bella:  Can I win a hermit crab at the fair?

Me: I don't care.  We can feed it to the dogs.

Bella: Dad says yes, so I think it can stay at his house :)

Me: Lol, I was teasing about the dogs, if you want it and will take care of it, have at it.  Good luck on the game.

4 hours later I get this in a text:

Bella: Say hi to Sheldon

Me: Holy crap, you WON one???

Bella:  Yeah.  Its gonna stay at your house till I go to dads.  When I get home, can we go to the pet store to get stuff for him?

Me: Sure, do you have money for that?

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon where Bella arrived at my house with her friend AND her new pet crab.  She had $60 saved up, so I dropped her and friend at petsmart and went and ran some errands (yes, my 50th trip to Menards this weekend..)

In the checkout lane, I start getting more texts, starting with this beauty.

Bella: When will you be here?  We are having some money issues..

Me: Not enough?? be there at 5.  Figure out what you don't really need and put it back.  

Bella:  we need it all.  This dumb crab needs a lot of stuff to live.  Its because of the cage.

Me: well figure it out, get a smaller one .

Then of course I decide this is too much freakin texting and called her.  After discussion, Bella resolved to put the cage back and we would head to walmart later to see if they had smaller/cheaper cages.  I picked up the girls and we dropped her friend off at home.  By the time we start driving away, Bella is visibly upset.  She's now realized she succumbed to peer pressure from her friend to try for this crab that the other girl's parents were smart enough to say no to.  She's also figured out that crabs can be very noisy during the night and I think it seriously creeped her out.  She's in way over her head on this crustacean commitment.  After a little bit of losing my cool (yes, i'm good at this) I tell Bella that we are heading back to petsmart where she will return all the material she's just bought.  She will also get to ask the clerk if they take hermit crabs in for adoption.  

Unfortunately, PetSmart doesn't take crabs (can't say that I blame them... who really WANTS crabs??)  

Bella got a homework assignment that night, she had the duty to call PetCo and the Humane Society before I got home Monday from work to see if we can find a better life for Sheldon.  Because option 3 was I was going to release him in the wild, where he would have at most 3 amazing months of sunny humid Iowa summer freedom before his ultimate demise in the fall from temperature drop (hermit crabs are tropical, didn't ya know??)

Monday night saw us in Bever park, saying a very short farewell to Sheldon as he scurried off in the underbrush near the stream Bella released him by.

And the lessons we learned from this adventure?  

• Never ever play games that involve pets as prizes, you might just WIN.
• Things that are marked FREE are usually NOT free.  
• It pays to think things through and try to see past the fantasy you pictured in your head to the reality of the situation.
• You get to OWN your mistake and work a plan to address fixing it.

Unfortunately Sheldon got the short end of the stick in this life lesson.  RIP little hermit crab.

A WTF day, time to reset

Did you ever have a day where nothing seemed to go right?

I had a day like that today.  I have that enviable position at work of being a leader.  The fine print on that job description reads, "have crucial conversations and hold people accountable".  Anyone that tells you this is fun or easy to do either hasn't done it or is on medication I definitely need a prescription for.  While I can take a fair amount of this, it can definitely wear me down if its in constant sustaining mode.  Today was an apex of accumulated accountability discussions with no visible traction.  Followed by a round of issues that should be well within my sphere of decision making, but are not given the command and control hierarchy we work within.  WTF? So when 4pm rolled around and my last meeting turned out to be optional, I headed home for a mental break.

Of course, when your job at work is holding people accountable, the LAST thing you want to do when you get home is hold people accountable.  Especially if those two people happen to be in their teenage brain-rewiring-from-self-centered-to-sustained-productive-adulthood state of mind.  Both kids seemed to have decided that summer break means summer break on everything, including basic hygienic housekeeping habits.  This has been sliding for awhile and I've had repeated conversations on basic expectations for what their rooms look like when they transition to dad's house (no trash in room, no dirty dishes... really the rules are that short and simple as BASE expectations).  So as I unloaded my cleaned dishwasher (that no one else seems to know how to do) I'm wondering why I only have 4 plates in my kitchen?  I wandered into Isaacs room first as he is prime offender.  The room itself has been given a surface scrub down.  But I've learned from prior rounds that his favorite hiding spot is his desk drawer.  Sure enough... 10 plates and LOTs of trash, including a container of old tater tots from Taco Johns from this weekend, WTF?  Bella? Not much better.  I found about 7 empty drink bottles and 2 half full cups of what I think was coffee/creamer at one time but was now a congealed and smelly mess. UGH...

And to top all this fun off?  I signed up for Match.Com again this past weekend.  After several serious swiping rounds, I'm starting to think that while this seems like a pretty good size metropolis, it feels way too small of a pond for me to find the right match.  Sadly, many of the guys on there were there the last time (6+ months ago), which does not give me much hope here.  WTF?

So what do you do on a WTF day?

REBOOT.

Here's what I did, I would love to hear other ideas as I know we all have WTF days!

1) Phone a friend and vent (thanks Mom for listening and Erin for answering my text cries for help!)

2) Work it out - physically!  So glad it was Wednesday and that I signed up for RC Rec soccer, as I got the opportunity to sweat some of my angst out tonight and backfill it with that lovely natural Rx - endorphins!

3) Treat yourself - AMEN to dark chocolate and peanut butter combination.  Yes I did eat the PB right out of the jar, alternating bites with my piece of dark chocolate.  I guess this is a perk of being single, no one is grossed out that you are eating right out of the jar of PB <thanks endorphins for helping me to see the bright side here!>

4) Spend time outdoors/time with pets - after heading BACK to work after soccer to finish a red team review, I finally got home around 10.  As much as I wanted to go to bed I knew I needed to push through some more of the grouchiness that still lingered.  Its amazing how much better I feel after just a 15 min walk around the neighborhood with my fur babies.

5) Journal - I opt to make some of mine public ;o)

6) Rest - where I'm headed next, lets reboot this day and start tomorrow off with a different attitude!

40 by 40!

First off, a big shout-out to Nick Burgart for getting back in the blogging saddle, it inspired me to do the same!   Now on to this hope-to-be-regular broadcast of my own!  Today's topic is brought to you by the number 40...  Yes, this is in fact the birthday I will be celebrating in approximately 329 days.

 How the heck did that go by so fast???  What is odd is that mentally, I still feel in my 20s.  Physically though?  I feel closer to 40 than 20, arthritis is a B*TCH!  So I was pondering the thought that I could be at a halfway point in life, so I should probably put some consideration into what I wanted to accomplish going forward.  My immediate list was "What do I want to accomplish by 40, aka the 40 by 40 list!"  So here it goes, in all its glory:

1. Finish my yard projects, including creating a backyard garden oasis.  Luckily Isaac has offered to help design...  I suppose this means wireless will be in the plan.
2. Hold a birthday candlelight dinner party in my backyard (obviously I'm on a deadline!)
3. Join a chorus, I miss singing in an organized parts fashion...  Karaoke night may be my backup plan
4. Read the bookclub book and a book just for fun each month
5. Learn to do swimming flip turns - because honestly, you look so much cooler in the water when you can do this!
6. Blog post at least monthly...  seems like a reasonably easy goal given I have about 12 half drafted already??
7. Take a garden art welding class, really hoping these exist!  Would like to make my own sculptures and who doesn't want to play with fire??
8. Try guitar lessons.  I've done the piano route as an adult, would like to see if guitar can capture AND retain my interest!  The next Taylor Swift?  Maybe Taylor's mom....
9. Finish one sewing UnFinished Object (UFO) 
10. Finish one knitting UnFinished Object (UFO) 
11. Finish one new sewing project
12. Finish one new knitting project (I obviously have not been spending near enough time on my crafty endeavors this past year and my yearning shows)
13. Travel on at least 1 international pleasure trip this year, need to get working on filling in this travel tattoo sleeve!
14. Create master suite in attic...  Still debating on this one.   Bella wants me to address this, as she's already claimed it as her space until she graduates.  Will depend on how much it will cost to do this per code as I would like to recoup some of my investment in this house!
15. renew my online dating application, sigh.  'nuff said.
16. consistently lift weights.  I was SOOOO good this past year until I had shoulder surgery in Feb.  Still working on getting back to the grind.
17. Learn from the first 40 years and stop making unrealistically long lists that I can never accomplish.   Settling on a  list of 16 seems like a good step in the right direction!

Now if anyone has some crazy bucket list items of their own they want to share, I'd love to hear about them!  And recommendations for international travel locations?

#firstsevenjobs

This topic has been in my inspirational blog writing queue since about August, when I read this interesting article on LinkedIn.  The focus of the article is how the majority of us evolved our careers from the ground up, with a path that was often shaped by higher education and privilege.   This also made me look back on my own career path, which I thought I'd share here, with some highlights about what I learned.

----MIDDLE SCHOOL ----
1. babysitter, $5/hr - definitely made me realize that I didn't want kids in my teens and that as hard as the job is to do when getting paid, parents don't GET PAID.  So if you have great parents, show them you appreciate them!

----HIGH SCHOOL -----
2. Cutco knife sales rep, % of sale - yes, the scissors can actually cut a penny (and skin, so be careful!)  I'm also not "cut" out for direct sales... Just feels too pushy to me.  While I did great in the 2 months I did it, I also have a large family.  Once I had to go outside of that group, I just couldn't do the cold-calls.

3. Pizza Hut waitress, minimum wage ~3/hr + tips - There is an actual science to loading/unloading a tray of drinks.  Wish I'd seen this video before I started?  One very large and embarrassing mess later, I decided this was NOT the job for me.

4. Hyvee (bakery in HS/floral in college), ~$5-7/hr - Taught me that you should be careful using the sprayer to clean items when you are wearing an all white uniform...  This job also made me realize I didn't want a job where I had to stand on concrete 8+ hour shifts.  But the perks of being the closer?  All the left-over donuts you wanted, although my dad and brother probably reaped more of this benefit than I did.

---COLLEGE--------
5. US Postal Service encoder, $12/hr - fancy words for data entry for the post office.  I drove to DSM a few times a week to get paid $12/hour deciphering people's terrible handwriting on the front of envelopes.  Was a great job as I got to sit at a desk and mindlessly type while I listened to books on tape!!  They actually teach you to only read the first 3 letters of any word, I blame this job for my bad habit of skimming and "interpreting" words in lieu of actually reading them??

6. Engineering Intern (Texas Instruments) $16/hr - Dallas, Tx is an AWESOME place to turn 21...  At least the parts I remember?  And TI's profit sharing benefit extended to interns!   Glad '98 was a stellar year, it covered half my fall semester tuition!  However, testing operational amplifiers and updating the software for the Y2K epidemic was a pretty lackluster actual job.   However I'd go back, as its really the location and the things in the area that attract employees.

7. Engineering Intern (Intel) $18/hr - Sacramento, CA is really close to a LOT of cool places (not to mention a cute little casino wedding chapel in Lake Tahoe!)   Perl scripting was a step above previous job, but this internship was cut short by a pleasant surprise (Isaac).  I learned that pregnant women should not be on their own 8 states away from their loved ones.

----GRADUATE -----------
8. Rockwell Collins, Systems Engineer $52,000/yr ~$25/hr - Engineering has been a great career for supporting my family well.  I have had an employer that has provided me remarkable flexibility, making it ideal for a mom with young kids.  I've worked half time, telecommuted, took a year sabbatical in pursuit of my MBA while staying at home full time with my 2nd child.   It allows me to use my problem solving skills EVERY DAY and we make some seriously cool shit, like the F-35 helmet. 

It is so interesting to see my life journey along this career path and how interwoven work and life really are.   I love the random stuff you find out about people when reading their lists.  I'd love to see some comments on your first seven jobs (or maybe your oddest 1 or 2??)

Oh, and GUESS WHAT?!?  Isaac got HIS first job yesterday!  He is working at the 5 Guys by Lindale, which opens MONDAY!!!!  Stop in and say hi and welcome him on his first step of a lifelong career journey.

Home, sweet (tiny) home!

Well, its been about a month now and I'm mostly settled into the new place.  So glad to be able to say there is no buyers remorse yet!!!  It was a frantic week from Christmas to New Year as I moved and decided to bite off a lot of fix-it-the-minute-you-move-in projects.  Luckily I had a slew of fantastic helpers!  A big shout out to my family moving crew,  to my great friends Erin/Adam for their weekend of service to the cause, and big thanks to my parents who have come over darn near every weekend in Jan to start/finish another of my "projects".  I know my dad thought my list would never end???

Here's a virtual walkthrough of my home.  The before shots can be seen here.

The living room required minimal adjustments.  I bought a rug, a cool coffee table, curtains, and the entertainment stand.  The previous owner left me the couch and the green chair as part of our closing deal, yay for moving less furniture! :)

I got to spend a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to take/keep that I loved from my old house.  This sign made the keep list and was repurposed with some hooks to operate as my coat hanger behind the door!

The dining room/music area also got very little updates.  Bought curtains and a set of 4 chairs to go with the table I already had.

The main floor bath was already pretty amazing (damn I love this big tub!), but changing the dark red paint to a beautiful tropical blue and swapping out all the fixtures from silver to bronze?  Now its JUST right!

Bella took advantage of mom's make-it-perfect plan and put in a request for a new bed for her new room...  Some fun lights and a new wall hanging and she is all set. Sadly, she loves it so much, I never see her leave it??  Freakin teenagers.

Isaac's room is still minimalist.   I really want to decorate it, but still waiting to coordinate with him on what that looks like.  Which means this will probably be green walls with no wallhangings till he moves out in 2018...   I DID install an air freshener after first week though as its incredible how far eau-de-teenage-boy smell can travel in a small house??

Ahh, the kitchen.  :o)  The most unplanned but loved work happened here for sure!  Gone is the hideous 1990s wallpaper, replaced with a clean slate painting of a light grey to compliment the existing white woodwork.   Swapped out all the hardware for cool bronze stuff and painted base cabinets beautiful blue/grey tone.

Gone are the upper cabinets that came down to 8 inches above counter top, leaving NO useable counter space.  My dad did some excellent carpentry and left the top row of uppers and then installed some great open shelves (which are actually $10 pine stair treads from menards!) 

I admit, I loved my sink faucet at ashford so much, I "moved" it with me :o)  Don't you think it looks great?

Dad also kindly installed all the new appliances I got at Lowes on black Friday :o)  This drawer dishwasher is THE bomb, works very well for my small family and small space.   While I am still getting used to a gas range/oven (convection no less!), I'm enjoying cooking at home again. 

Let me just pause here for a minute to admire some more of my dad's awesome handiwork.  I should have taken a picture under the sink as it was a disaster of drainwork what-not-to-do before.  He worked his magic and I now have dishwasher/garbage disposal/drains all fixed with a sweet little switch on top of sink to power disposal!  He also salvaged the little remaining space to the left to house pans and a small drawer for spatulas!  I'm behind in the finish work here as I need some touch up paint on drawer and trim work.  This doesn't detract from the fact that my dad is a freakin genius at DIY and my HERO!

And last but not least?  My glorious basement master bedroom with ensuite bath AND laundry room AND work out room AND shoe closet ;o)

Adam hates me for this project, and I hate myself a little bit after way too many hours spent in the plumbing section of multiple home improvement stores.  I got ambitious and decided the basement bath needed an update to install a flat quartz countertop (mostly, so I could put my antique hutch on top).  Much swearing and 2 weekends/5+ menards trips later, the plumbing underneath is all reconnected and working great!

Adam also built me this great open closet space across from my laundry area.  There is no need to even throw it in the basket!

HOORAY, i still have a FUNGEON workout room! LOL Probably can't use the fact that I'm working on projects anymore as excuse for why I'm not working out?

I love how my jewelry organizer setup worked out.  Very pretty and girly :o)

And of course, the best project???  I devoted 1 of my kitchen counters to being a BEVERAGE station!  Coffee and tea abounds, I'm in heaven!!

There are much bigger projects on the horizon, but I'm taking a short interlude as I wait for the Ashford home to sell.  Then it will be time to hit the attic space for DIY master suite creation, tear down my 1 stall garage and build a 2 stall, and revamp the entire yard into a cottage garden.  I'm sure I'll have all that done by June (2020?)   Don't worry, I'll be sure to post when they happen, stay tuned!